"Pallar Anders Visa" 2004-03-08 - 3:21 a.m.

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I don't know how I'm feeling

something's telling me it's bad

I don't know why

gah

you may remember me talking about some girl named Erika who responded to my band's "drummer wanted" flyer

well tonight I e-mailed her;

offered to play guitar if she wanted to start a metal band

it seems win-win

I love female vocalists;

but I'm a selfish bastard when it comes to singing

but if she says yes; then I get to be in a band where I'm the singer

and another with a female singer

and then I also get to be in a punk band and a metal band

I was really excited, but now I feel like shit for some reason

it's like every sunday night I feel down

God, I just miss Sindy so bad

I've only ever felt that way about two people

one never knew

and Sindy I let go

it's like having this hole in my chest

for years and years I felt so utterly alone,

it was physically painful sometimes

then Sindy came along and filled that hole

but I just couldn't accept it; and I pushed her away

because I suck

and now it hurts again

every day

I hate talking about this

I feel so fucking whiny

but Goddamnit,

I don't know

I don't even know

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