"Meat Is Murder" 2004-01-30 - 3:13 a.m.

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it feels like I'm getting too big for my room,

my house

my life

I want to be doing things

I want to have a job and be going to college and be with someone and have my band really going

but I can't do anything from here

it's like time is regressing

I'm moving back to feeling trapped in my own life now

feeling like The Man In The Box

the boundaries set for me lie short of where I want to go

and it's driving me crazy

I'm feeling creative lately

but even though I got a hot confidence injection about my lyrics

I still need inspiration for them,

which I'm fresh out of

it's pissing me off

and I just remember this line from a short-lived tv series:

"you can't force the creative process"

damnit

I don't know

I've beaten all the games I bought when I had a job

and the game I rented last, "Chaos Legion" sucks

so I'm bored

and I want to create but nothing's coming

it sucks

so I might as well just bitch about some piddly crap I've been meaning to bitch about but left out because of its sheer irrelevance

first: I wish it were Halloween again

I came up with the greatest idea for a Halloween Costume the other day, and I want to save it for a surprise

but I'll most likely forget it by Halloween

and my hair will be too long by then anyway

so basically: I would comb my hair back into a pompadour; and take a plain white shirt and write: "Meat is Murder" on it with a marker and go as Morrisey from The Smiths

and just try and look theatrically depressed all day

but nay, it is Valentine's Day instead of Halloween

so I'll be buying myself a seductive, lacy glove to spice up my sex life

HAI-OOOOOOOOH!

speaking of which

around valentine's day at CDO; the choir does this thing where you can send a 'Singing Valentine' to your 'Sweetheart'

where one of the choir members will go to the person's class and sing them a bit of a song

now, I think the songs are pre-selected

but I wish to God I could've gotten them to sing "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls to somebody

seriously, best use of a Singing Valentine ever

the only bad part would be not being in the class with them to witness it

stoopid not being in school anymore

meh

another stoopid thing I want to talk about:

Why I Hate Jet

I want to hate them so much

first; their look and act are pretty much ripped off directly from the Strokes

and their song "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" was a disgustingly shameless rip-off of Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life"

and they're currently in a semi-"fued" with the Strokes

and being a loyal Strokes fan, I'm honor bound to hate Jet

but their new song "Cold Hard Bitch" is so so sooooo good

seriously

it sucks because that song is so good but I want to hate them

gah

I'm in the same situation with Courtney Love

I find her to be a mind-numbingly bad person in general

and I'm fairly sure she orchestrated the murder of Kurt Cobain

but I enjoy her music both with Hole and that new stuff she's putting out

I also hate the pretentiousness of going solo like that

it's like proclaiming to the world: "my band doesn't matter and never did; this is all about ME"

and I dislike when any artist does that

but it seems so much worse when an attention-starved media whore like Courtney Love does it

so I don't know

stupid horrible people having good music

And Now For Something Completely Different:

at the Tucson Gay Teen Pageant last weekend

[which Stephanie won, by the way]

last year's Mr. Gay Teen Tucson got to do one last little show or skit or whatever you call it

[crap, I'm pretty sure there's a word for it, but I forgot]

and she did this awesome, awesome performance with her girlfriend to Linkin Park's "Numb"

and whenever I hear that song I always think of it and its sheer awesomeness

I wanted to tip them, but I was just in awe of their performance through the whole thing

and I didn't see them afterwords to congratulate them either

but if Stephanie's going to be doing drag often now; I'll likely end up bumping into them sooner or later

so yeah, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about; and I'm too lazy to describe it

[because I know if I described it it would sound lame and take away from how good it was in execution]

so just take my word for it

anyway, this weekend promises to be both busy and exciting and rockin' for me

so hopefully my diary will at least have content again soon, if not necessarily be entertaining

Sweet Dreams

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