"Hybrid Moments" 2004-01-10 - 3:43 a.m.

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I'm going to divide this entry into sections; because I can't think of a way to transition between the things I want to talk about tonight

Section A - Paris Hilton

I can't contain it anymore; I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about Paris Hilton

she's reached celebritydom by having a tape of her fucking someone released, which is bad enough

but now everyone's like: "Goddamn, she's so sexy"

and she's not; she's disgusting

I think feeling attracted to Paris Hilton is a sign of latent pedophelia

she has the body of a fucking twelve year old boy!

I don't know who the fuck decided that was sexy but I know that I sure as shit don't share that sentiment

I have a more womanly body than Paris Hilton and I've got a fucking dick!

it just pisses me off

moving on;

Section B - Good News

In a shocking turn of events, the school is cooperating

the lady in charge of correspondance finally found my grades, and now she's going to take them to the registrar on monday

why she couldn't do it today is beyond me

but she's doing it monday

so monday or tuesday I have to call the registrar and figure out what they're going to do about getting me a diploma

but at least we've gotten to that point

Section C - Tomorrow

ok, so in an example of the only times I actually am trying to communicate with this thing

[ie-simple shit that doesn't bear typing up an e-mail or picking up the phone]

I'm going to say to my friends:

I'm planning to go see Bubba Ho-Tep tomorrow down at the Loft Theatre at either 3 or 5 o'clock, depending on how things work out

if you haven't heard, Bubba Ho-Tep is a movie where Bruce Campbell plays an Elvis Impersonator who has to fight an Evil Mummy

now, if that doesn't sound like a good time to you you aren't reading it hard enough

the only downside is: my sister wants to come along

gag

so if you think you can stand my sister for that long; gimme a call around 12

and finally;

Section D - My Bloody Stomach

I really hate myself sometimes

well, all the time

but it becomes greater when certain things happen

I've been getting kinda sick this week

[and then I had to go and have Taco Bell for dinner tonight, but that's a different story]

and I'm kinda nervous about trying to drive downtown tomorrow and sit through a movie for fear I might get sick

and sure enough, I started to feel a little sick tonight

so after thinking about it I tell myself: "OK, I'm just not gonna go"

and sure enough, I instantly feel fine

and I mean instantly

now I know that sometimes my Crohn's is brought on by nervousness

but that just pisses me off

knowing that I am directly responsible for putting myself through horrible pain and depriving myself of things like going out and looking for work or seeing movies and stuff

and there's nothing I can do about it

it just makes me hate myself

if I could just relax there would be nothing to worry about it

but I get so worried about getting sick that I make myself sick

and I know that I'm causing it but I still can't stop

it just disgusts me

I mean; I'm hurting myself in a very serious way, and I know what I have to do to stop, but I just don't do it

what the fuck is wrong with me?

why can't I just stop?

gah

it sucks

but regardless, I'm going to try and go to the movie tomorrow

and hope that I can just re-fucking-lax and enjoy myself

I don't know

Adios Amigos

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