"Asleep" 2004-01-09 - 2:55 a.m.

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apparently it's David Bowie's birthday today

I had no idea

but Happy Birthday Mr. Bowie

moving on;

I did nothing today because I got sick

the school did nothing today because they suck

in other news,

despite what I said yesterday, I think I know which side is going to come out on top

and, on a semi-related note;

sometimes, the loneliness becomes so biting that it physically hurts

and there's nothing I can do

well, nothing at the moment

I've started what will probably be a very convoluted process towards an unsure end

but it's started

and now, as usual, I wait

and feel like vomitting up my heart

I'm such a fucking little girl

I thought chicks dug the sensitive types

as usual, I joke without feeling

it's not even remotely about sex

sex would be nice, but it's not what I need, or even want

I want to be loved

I can't just have some girl love me and be happy with me for one night and then just pick up my clothes and take off in the morning

it doesn't work like that

and it doesn't help that I'm "Mr. Self Destruct"[as it were] when it comes to these things

if there's no problems I create them and then focus on them until they're all I can think about

because I'm a shitty person

here's hoping I really can change

I Don't Want To Wake Up On My Own Anymore

Sweet Dreams

[I apologize for the choppiness of this entry, I'm pretty gone right now]

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