"Enjoy The Silence" 2004-01-03 - 4:23 a.m.

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you know, it still amazes me

how I can feel and think and act and be one way

and then just hours later, be completely different

maybe I'm just stupid or something

being amazed at every little twist and turn my psyche makes

who knows?

anyway,

today my father and I converted my car to a manual choke

so *hopefully* that'll be the end of that

that just leaves two more items on my agenda:

A-a new job

which I can go out and look for now that my car works again

and B-getting the school to pull their heads out of their asses and give me my fucking diploma

I'm starting to cool down on that issue a little bit, so hopefully sometime this month I'll be able to maintain my composure long enough to discuss the issue rationally with them

and as far as money goes, so far I've gotten off lucky

the shop didn't charge me because they really didn't do anything

[thank Providence for small favors]

and the choke conversion kit only cost me $8

so as long as that really was the problem and solution, I got off fairly light

and speaking of money, I got my last paycheck

and I'm now the proud owner of $500

[$350 from the paycheck; $120 from relative's checks; and $30 from the paycheck before that]

half of my brain is telling me to buy something worthwhile like a PA System or skateboard or another guitar or something instead of blowing it all on piddly shit

but the other half of my brain is telling me that it has to last until I have a job again, so I can't afford to buy anything big

and there's still the chance that the choke wasn't the only problem on my car; and I'll still have to replace the carburator

but I pray that doesn't happen

so yeah, there's that

and I don't really know

I've crossed one bridge, I'm taking a short breather before starting on the rest

and God knows there's still a sizeable line of them ahead of me

Sweet Dreams