"Requiem" 2004-01-01 - 5:12 a.m.

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everyone else is saying "happy new year" but not me,

because I'm so different and cool

I'd rather give a eulogy to the year that has just ended, 2003

"2003: You were a mediocre year. Nothing important happened to me; but you saw our country get dragged into a pointless war[or was that "police action"?] over a personal vendetta, but all anyone can talk about is how one slutty pop-star from the 80's kissed another slutty pop-star from the 90's on tv. I hope you rot in whatever afterlife years get."

so yeah

I had a decent time with my family tonight

I still can't quite bring myself to cheer up though

the shop could indeed do nothing for my car

and I'm going to try and put a manual choke on it tomorrow

which should be "fun" in the worst way

and things with my on-again-off-again-semi-relationship-maybe-someday-girl Sindy are hitting a rocky point

my school apparently decided that I'm missing a credit for a course I took; and that even though I've completed all the requirements, I probably won't get my diploma for another 5 months

and it still makes me too angry to think rationally, so I have to refrain from calling them and doing anything about it

I'm unemployed, and can't go about looking for another job until my car is fixed

and to add insult to injury; the third season of The Shield is going to start in March instead of January

bastards

I'm starting to want to wear all black again; but it still makes me feel so incredibly pretentious

despite the fact that I am legitimately depressed enough to wear all-black all the time

I don't know

I just wish I at least had the energy to write songs or something

instead of just sit in front of the tv or computer too depressed to try doing anything else

and through it all, I hear that place calling me

my Special Place

that idealized place I've created in my head, that I wish more than anything I could just retreat into and be alone

Silent Hill

it's just the polygonal setting of a videogame series

but I've imbued it with so much more meaning

it's just so beautiful...

a completely abandoned town; no other people to expect things of me or ruin what I expect

just horrible monsters under the cover of grey fog

and some great goal, some opiate on a stick to fight towards; some reason to go on

but in the end I don't really want it; because it would have to be some person, and people do nothing but fail

I fail them or they fail me; and nobody's happy

why set that up when I could just be alone in the fog, with the other monsters...

Happy Fucking New Year

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