"Fortune's Faded" 2003-12-28 - 2:48 a.m.

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I had a fun day today

hung out with Stephanie; which is always fun

saw Kill Bill Vol. 1(for the 4th time) with her, which makes me happy

I'm naming my daughter[assuming I ever have one, of course] Gogo, and I don't care what anyone else says

but the night itself was overshadowed[at least at the time I'm typing this] by the ride home

I drove to Stephanie's[mistake], and then let her do the driving as we went around town

then drove home

and whatever Christmas Miracle got my car up to the point where I could drive it again has died away

it literally died every time I wasn't accelerating

thank God it was 2 AM and very few people were on the road

luckily I should be able to get it to the shop tomorrow

assuming I can make it that far

I'm real tempted to call AAA and have 'em tow it

because I'm honestly afraid to drive it even that short distance

why did this shit have to happen now?

why did I have to lose my job and have my fucking car break down at the same damn time?

it's like God is intent on putting me back where I was at 17

no job and no car

'cause He knows those are the only damn things that've changed since then

on the upside, though

I've realized that my last paycheck will be regular sized, not small as I had thought yesterday

I wasn't really thinking, I guess

which is a small-

oh, who am I kidding?

a large comfort

basically, a bank account really has become out of the question at this point

maybe next job

I've got $120 in checks from relatives

[one for an extremely belated birthday gift; the other for graduation]

and my next paycheck should be $350+

so at the very worst case scenario

[I take it to the shop and then still have to replace the carborator]

I'll basically end up with just the $41 in my wallet until I find another job

but I'll be able to afford it

but, in the scenario that it looks like it's coming out to be;

[the problem is what my dad thinks it is; and they just fix it at the shop]

I should still have a large portion of my paycheck left over

and even though putting that in the bank would be smart

it's not realistic

I don't know

I should just wait and see what happens at the shop tomorrow

[and it does have to happen tomorrow]

but it's my nature to plan ahead

even if I don't know what's going to happen

I don't know

it just makes me think of that one line from the new Red Hot Chili Peppers song:

Come On God, Do I Seem Bullet-Proof?