"Reptilia" 2003-12-23 - 2:23 a.m.

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I feel so pretentious writing happy entires now

well, I wouldn't quite say "happy"

but non-dark ones

my car is still having trouble

I really should've dropped it off at the shop yesterday; but the problem was there wasn't really any time to pick it up when they were finished

and so basically I have to wait five days and hope that it lasts that long

my dad's being a dick about letting me use his car

admittedly, he's got to be at work for meetings or something tomorrow; and probably the next day

but I asked to borrow his car and he got all pissed off

like I should be able to find a way to drop off my car at the shop all day and find a way to get to work and back that doesn't involve any other cars

because my mom works full time, and with her hours there's no way I can borrow hers

I swear, my dad is such a fucking little kid sometimes

I don't know

Christmas is here in like, two days

wow

it just hit me how little time that is

because I'm looking at it like I have to get through two days of work before Christmas

I've gotten over my initial troubles with work; and I've even gotten to like having a job a little

but when there's something I'm looking forward to it still seems like I have to fight my way through work on the days in between

two days 'til Christmas where you've got nothing to do and two days 'til Christmas when you've got a job are two very different things

sometimes work goes down smooth, if not necessarily quickly; and sometimes it just fucking drags on to the point where it feels like time is a tangible substance flowing slowly over you like a river of molasses

I don't know

I'm still listening to the new Strokes album religiously

it's weird

I want to listen to Joy Division or Built to Spill or the Velvet Underground; but when I get to the CD player it's like: "why not listen to the Strokes again?"

and I always do, because it's such a good album

it's like I'm hyp-mo-tized

sorry, I just wanted to say that

it's funny, though

really, I don't feel all that better or more evnigored about my life

it still seems pointless

but now I can laugh at Futurama and enjoy the Strokes and things of that nature

I'm still too numb to create;

but now I can smile, even though there's really nothing behind it

it's like in Behind Blue Eyes;

whenever I sing along with it I always change the lyrics a little

I sing "but my dreams, they are as empty, as my conscience seems to be"

instead of "my dreams, they aren't as empty"

I don't know

Feelings Are Intense, Words Are Trivial