"Life Sucks And So Do I" 2003-12-10 - 4:55 a.m.

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I want to make it clear that the only reason I'm updating tonight is that I don't like to leave depressed entries up after I'm not depressed anymore

I don't have anything really to say

and it's not even like I'm feeling a lot better

I'm starting to really hate working late

which is what my schedule has been most of the week

it's nice in that I get to sleep in as late as I want

but when work is over there's nothing else to do

that's just it

and the night managers suck

stupid fucking job

I can't wait 'til I get laid off

I just pray I can find a better one

I don't know

maybe then I'll talk about something else for a change

so my cousin talked to me today

turns out that recording session he had planned that I thought would be happening before Christmas won't be happening 'til January 12

which is good really

so he's making plans with me to actually get together and do something

as you may remember, my band idea fell through

so at the moment I'm kinda left with my pants down

I don't know

I've got a few songs written

and since he told me it doesn't matter what he records as long as he records I can probably just do a few covers and maybe throw in an on-the-spot jam without any big problems

which covers the substance

but the problem lies in the fact that at the moment I'm short musicians to back me up

I talked to Robyn about starting another band; but I didn't get much of a response

not that I'm really pushing for one

I'm going to ask Misty and Evan if they want to take part on friday

not that they really dig the kind of music I'm writing

[well, Misty might. She has nicely eclectic tastes]

and then the next problem is that I need to get the songs written

if worse comes to worse I can pull a Trent Reznor and cover both guitars, bass and vocals myself and have a drum machine for that

but I need to get the songs written

I've got [I think]4 with two guitar parts

one that can stand on either one or two guitars and doesn't need other instruments

and bass for two of those

but I've only got lyrics for one

I can write bass for the others no problem

but I need a way to write the drum parts

my cousin lost the serial number to the program he gave me

so that's basically worthless

he mentioned he could get the serial number from a friend of his with the same program

but unless he does that I'm left without that

and then I'm really bad at writing vocals

I've never been good with words,

and trying to make them all poetic doesn't help

the main reason I need other musicians for a band is because I need someone to help me with the lyrics because I'm so bad at writing them

I don't know

I really want to work with Robyn, because she's really very talented and creative when she lets herself be

so I'll ask her about that as well

I don't know

speaking of friday

I'm starting to get kind of anal about the whole Santa idea

which bothers me because it's just supposed to be fun

and getting real anal=no fun

[*edit* I just realized this morning how bad that looks. I wonder how many idiots searching for porn stumbled accross my diary and got all pissed off. Hee hee.]

I just want things to go off without a hitch

I don't want us to start getting dressed up and not have enough black or jewelry or something

or get to the mall all scary and find out Santa isn't there that day or something like that

'cause that would just ruin it

I don't know

it's only friday; and it's pretty simple

so I'll just hope that the sheer simplicity of the plan can keep me from getting too anal about it

I'm such an asshole

it sucks being me

I have to make everything super-hard

*sigh*

whatever

Mother Should I Build A Wall?

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