A Stream-Of-Consciousness Epitaph

"Brick" 2003-11-26 - 3:37 a.m.

not much has really been happening to me

I've really started to dislike work; but at the same time I'm slowly starting to get used to it

I've realized that in order to stop making this so needlessly hard, I have to make it a routine

and I hate routines

but that's how it's gotta be

it can't become a question of wether or not I'm working but of how long I'm working that day

I'm still debating it; but for the moment my plan is to bear with the full-time thing through the temporary employment period

and try and save around half my paycheck each time

then once the seasonal employment ends, try and find another job where I can work part time and not have to put away as much money

or if they decide to keep me on at Wal-Mart to just switch my hours to part time then and do the same with my money

I don't know

right now that's just an idea

after friday I may decide to just fucking quit

friday is...

I'm trying hard not to think about it

but suffice to say: whenever I'm up to updating, I'm sure I'll have plenty of horror-stories

anyway, something I'm pretty sure I keep forgetting to mention:

they have a sign just above the urinals in the Men's restroom by layaway at Wal-Mart

it has a bunch of stuff about shop-lifting; and then at the bottom says: "we prosecute shoplifters, don't risk it"

or something like that

well, one time I was in there alone, and I had a pen with me

so I hurriedly added my own touch to it

so now Wal-Mart has a policy of prostituting shoplifters

heh heh

it's been there everytime I've come in since then; so hopefully it's there to stay

that would rock

in a minor way

anyway

on to the serious stuff:

I've always thought that when I fell in love, I would just Know It

like it would just hit me; and I would Know It

but the times I've "Known It" have turned out to be false alarms and disasters

[though not necessarily in that order]

and now I find myself thinking about her

almost constantly

and I have to ask myself: is this what love actually is?

and also: will I ever find out?

I came real close to seeing her tonight

but as I left; I had to tell myself that the burning and tearing in my eyes was just from the cigarette smoke

She's A Brick; And I'm Drowning, Slowly...

�