"Break Stuff" 2003-11-14 - 3:06 a.m.

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I had a shitty day today

I was awakened by Wal-Mart calling to tell me I had my second interview today

no big deal

I don't like being awakened by places telling me I have to be somewhere soon

but whatever

I'm closer to having a job

so, of course

I start feeling sick

and, of course

I'm out of the only medication that does anything when I'm feeling sick

even that doesn't do much, but it's better than nothing

which is what I had

I head down there, and at first I'm feeling fine

then have way through the interview I get really sick

I only get really sick once every few months

and of course, it had to be on the day I had my fucking job interview

so I had to cut the interview short and head home

we rescheduled it for tomorrow*

and another thing that sucks about being sick, is my parents

they're almost as bad as the sickness itself

I have a serious disease

I had to drop out of school because of it

I take medication twice a day every day for the rest of my life because of it

but when I get sick from it; they act like I'm doing it on purpose

the only reason I didn't just turn around and go back and reschedule the interview for tomorrow in the first place is because my dad was home

knowing that I was blowing a job interview because I was sick; I knew exactly what they'd say:

they think I got sick on purpose to avoid the job interview because I don't want a job, and think I can subsist on an allowance of $25 a week for the rest of my life

like I'm a fucking retarded monkey or something

I hate it

and when I told my parents, I could hear their voices start to gear up for the speech

the gigantic angry lecture for making myself sick

once I told them that the interview was rescheduled for tomorrow they eased off

but I hate them for that

they're the ones who never fucking learn

I know I need a job

I know I need money, badly

I don't want to be sick

I hate being sick

it sucks so bad

and I didn't want to be sick today, of all days

but they don't think that

they think that- well, I said what they think

but they just can't get it out of their head that I'm not a fucking imbecile

they think I'm actually that fucking dumb

and they think that it's their responsibility to explain to me how the world works EVERY FUCKING TIME! LIKE I DON'T FUCKING GET IT!!

...sorry

but it just...

I don't know

I think if they weren't around

being sick wouldn't be half as bad

regardless, I got to sit around feeling like shit all day

and once my stomach started feeling better it started to feel like I was getting a regular cold

and I've had a pounding fucking headache all day

and I just pray that I don't get sick tomorrow

*tomorrow I've got a busy day

I've gotta go in for the rest of the interview,

I've gotta return a book to the library

and I've gotta take the "distance learning test request form" or whatever it's called to the school so they can fax it to U of A

I also have to fill that out

and then later I have plans with Stephanie

those, however, will be something I'll enjoy; and if I'm not feeling good I can gracefully bow out of

but the first things I have to get done

I hate things that I have to do

if there's a way I can bow out without a big problem; then I relax and usually get through them

but if it's something I have to do

I get real nervous and it just makes things worse

I don't know

I've sat around all night feeling ok

(as far as my stomach goes)

I just pray that it stays that way tomorrow

at least for the things I have to do

and it would be real nice to hang out with Stephanie as well

I just have to relax and try not to overthink things

I wanted to bitch a little bit about the secret level in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4

but I'm tired, and I feel terrible

so I'm going to sleep

I Can Always Say; It's Gonna Be Better Tomorrow...

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