"Caged Rat" 2003-11-10 - 4:40 a.m.

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please help me

I'm trapped in my life

I have to wait for everything

Sindy and I are in love

but she doesn't want an online relationship so we have to wait

just like every single thing in my life

I'm 19

I thought for sure that something would be happening by now

that I would have a girlfriend I could spend time with and hug and do romantic shit with

that I would have a band I could jam with and play gigs at clubs with

that I would have a job I could go to and get paid from

that I would be going off to college where I could finally learn something I could use and get away from my home

but I have to wait until I can visit Sindy; and then if we get along in person we'll make plans for me to move up there, and then we can be together

I have to wait a few years

it took me forever to find people to start a band with; and now that I have he's a busy and/or lazy dipstick

I have to wait until he finally gets around to making plans

it seemed like I would never find a job; then finally my mom gets me an interview at Wal-Mart

but I have to wait until they can check my references; and then call me back

I can't even plan for college until I graduate high school and figure out things with Sindy

and I have to wait for UofA to figure out what they're doing with my final before I can take that

I'm 19 and I'm not even graduated from high school yet

I have to wait for everything

it's driving me insane

every day I get up, then sit around my house until I fall asleep

and it just goes on and on

isn't this what prison is supposed to be like?

and it's not like I can do anything about it

I just have to wait for everything else to get around to me

it sucks

I thought if I did stuff then things would happen

it turns out I do stuff; but then I have to wait for them to do stuff to before anything happens

and they take fucking forever

I thought: "hey, maybe I'll actually learn to skate. It would be something to do. And I've wanted to since I was a kid."

but boards cost money

for money I need a job

and for a job I need to wait for Wal-Mart to fucking call me back

whenever they get ahold of my references

gah

Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just A Rat In A Cage

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