"Teenage Lobotomy/Halloween(A Prelude)" 2003-10-31 - 1:45 a.m.

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I almost forgot it was Halloween

it's actually Halloween now

the same problems have been running through my head for the past three days

non-stop

I don't like to close my eyes because when I do it's like closing myself in my own little dark room with them

I can just feel them pulsing away behind my eyes; burning at my brain

like in FLCL, my brain has been shoved aside so that my head can act as an inter-dimensional gateway

and it's broadcasting the same thing non-stop at full blast

it feels like my eyes are gonna shoot out from the pressure

I keep coming back to my eyes because that's where I can feel physical pain

and even though it's probably from playing the new Castlevania game too much;

it sure as hell feels like it's from the shit running through my head

and playing Castlevania[or Onimusha] is about the only time I'm not being beaten to death from inside my head by my problems

the resolution of this is most likely going to change my life

it's like I'm standing at a fork in the road in the path of my life

and every road is strewn with corpses

and not in the fun way

I had my job interview at Wal-Mart this morning

they'll be calling me back for a second one soon

I can't even concentrate when I'm there

my problems are just swimming behind my eyes

every pause in the conversation is filled by their overbearing repetition

if it were a movie I'd be fruedian slipping and all my answers would be about my problems

it seems like the biggest issues there's never anyone there to help you

because the biggest issues are between you and the people who usually help you

I'm considering calling up my therapist and making an appointment just to talk about this

but wouldn't you know it?

the real reason I'm not is: "twenty five dollars? I can't afford to spend that on a therapist!"

that's me; Smarty McSmartson

I don't know what the hell any of you see in me

but that's beside the point

the point is it's Halloween!

Halloween is maybe the funniest holiday of the year

why?

because the original holiday was All Saint's Day

or All Hallow's Day

Halloween was All Hallow's Eve

Hallow's Eve

[or Hallow's E'en; as I seem to think was a variation of Eve that they used to say in the olden days]

Halloween

and All Saints Day faded out

and the eve of that became the holiday

and now; Halloween has it's own celebrated Eve

known as Devil's Night or Hell Night

where all the mischevious kids go out and spray paint shit and start fires

and that my friends, is humor

but I digress

because I don't want to think about the issue at hand

it's been years since I've been anything for Halloween

last year I wasn't anything, because I was real sick

the year before that I just put on a mask and wore all black and said I was "Duderazamus; Lord of the 7th Circle of Hell! Or, Captain Dudee for short."

which was a Celebrity Deathmatch joke

the year before that I put on a skull mask I'd had and dressed all in black; and just said I was evil

the year before that was when I'd bought the skull mask

I'd worn an old jacket and a straw hat and the mask; and I'd walked around carrying one of those Nerf Brain-Balls, which were shaped like Brains

I said it was my brain and acted like I was retarded

it was close to a costume but not really one

and I can't remember the year before that

but this year I'm being a Baseball Fury from the movie The Warriors

and I've got my costume together

the shirt was actually white; but I bought some grey dye and tried to dye it

it came out fine, at first

but the directions said to wash it again after you've finished dyeing it but before you wear it

so I washed it

and all the fucking dye washed off

making it just dark white

which pisses me off, but whatever

most people probably won't get it anyway

it'll look decent

I'll take pictures and actually find someplace to host them this time; so you nice folks can see them

I'll get some pics of how I look normally as well; so those of you who've never seen me can actually see me

as if you care

of course, if you took the time to read down here; I suppose you do

for which I can only pity you

I don't know

I just want to sit and either play Castlevania or listen to the Ramones

nice, fun music that doesn't require me to think or feel

because everything just brings me right back to my problems

and those are getting so bad that I'm starting to see them written on the walls in a never ending argument with myself

it's fun knowing that whatever I do it's gonna end in heartbreak and a lot of pain

Black Hole Sun, Won't You Come?

And Wash Away The Rain...

***

lobotomy,

lobotomy,

lobotomy,

lobotomy!

ddt did a job on me

now i am a real sickie

guess i'll have to break the news

that i got no mind to lose

all the girls are in love with me

i'm a teenage lobotomy

slugs and snails are after me

ddt keeps me happy

now i guess i'll have to tell 'em

that i got no cerebellum

gonna get my ph.d.

i'm a teenage lobotomy

lobotomy,

lobotomy,

lobotomy,

lobotomy!

ddt did a job on me

now i am a real sickie

guess i'll have to break the news

that i got no mind to lose

all the girls are in love with me

i'm a teenage lobotomy

-Teenage Lobotomy

The Ramones