"Smells Like Nirvana" 2003-10-18 - 3:17 a.m.

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shit; one of these days I'm gonna have to come up with some kind of opening line

kind of like "Sweet Dreams" but at the beginning

my openings always suck

and it's not like "Sweet Dreams" is all that great of a closing

it was ok when I wrote it at a decent time

but now I write it at like 4 AM; and no one reads it until the next day when they're nowhere near sleeping

I don't know

but I like it

I often wonder if I bought that little banner-ad "snack pack" deal or whatever it's called I would get more readers

probably not

I'm too happy too often for the depressed people

and I'm too freaking depresseing for the happy people

ah, the joys of bi-polarity

anyway

today featured a lot of religion for me

as I was leaving the mall today; some kid stopped me in the parking lot to tell me how Jesus could save me

he was like: "hey man" and I thought he was gonna ask for a smoke or something

but then he hands me this little orange flyer and starts telling me how Jesus could save me

how he used to be depressed and party alot but then he found Jesus and cleaned up his life

and it's hard to really be pissed at people like that

I can't just rip up the flyer and start mocking him

'cause he means well

it's not like he said: "repent sinner, Jesus can save you, you filthy heathen"

he just wanted to help

but as I stared at the flyer without registering and politely waited for him to finish his speach

he told me that Jesus had a plan for me and that he could use me

and I had to try real hard to not start singing Tool lyrics

[particularly the part of Opiate: "Jesus Christ why don't you come save my life now? Open my eyes blind me with your lies now"]

no one has ever gotten on my good side by telling me they can use me

as it is I pinned the flyer up on my wall because it amused me

and for a few moments I was actually considering attending one of the services because I felt bad for not listening to him

I don't know

then later Robyn showed me a website where some guy builds passages of the bible as legos and puts them up as picture stories

I think it was www.bricktestament.com or www.thebricktestament.com or maybe something with a hyphen

he's recreating actual passages from the bible, so it's not like he's mocking it

but if I've learned anything from that

it's that the message of the bible is this:

"Kill anyone different from you. Preferably by stoning them."

it's an awful violent, unforgiving book for something that's supposed to teach people to do good unto their fellow man

I don't know.

anyway; leftover thought from yesterday that I forgot to put in here:

in my livejournal one time I put a list of the "top 5 covers"

and I think I've found a new number 2

[I would've originally said number 1; but then I thought about it and realized it would have to settle for number 2]

so here:

Top 5 Covers I Can Think Of Off The Top Of My Head:

#1: "Hurt"; Johnny Cash covering NIN

#2: "Smells Like Teen Spirit"; Tori Amos covering Nirvana

[how awesome is that?]

#3: "Quicksand"; Dinosaur Jr covering David Bowie

#4: "Just Like Heaven"; Dinosaur Jr covering The Cure

[sorry to have two Dinosaur Jr in a row; but if you heard them you'd agree]

#5: "Dead Souls"; NIN covering Joy Division

ok, now that that's out of the way; more good news!

I wrote another song

the lyrics this time

and I don't think they suck

but before I post them; I want to explain it a little

I didn't write this song about Kurt Cobain

I wrote this song about how the media and fans become obsessed with celebrities; and turn them into much bigger figures than they are

specifically musicians, who are often made into mythic figures, especially if they die

musicians who sing about depressing stuff seem to be glorified if they actually exhibit depressed behavior such as drug use and that kind of thing

and if they commit suicide they become a martyr

and I can't imagine they would be all too happy about this

I know that I for one would not want to be put in that kind of position just because I can play an instrument and feel like shit a lot of the time

Kurt Cobain just seems to be the brightest, shiniest example of this

they paint him up as the patron saint of teenage angst and suicide

when really all he was was a musician

[and one who was murdered, to boot; but that's neither here nor there]

initially the only Kurt Cobain reference in the song was the "needle and a gun" line near the end

at first the song was just going to be called "martyr song"

but then about ten or so seconds later "Jesus Cobain" came to me

[which in itself is kind of a sarcastic jab at people who take this kind of thing too far/too seriously; not a legitimate comparison]

and so I figure I'll call it that until I get in trouble

and then if it's serious trouble I'll go back to calling it "martyr song"

so here it is; I hope you enjoy:

standing here before you

just to entertain

you think you understand me

because of what I say

now you think you own me

because people know my name

you make me your hero

and tell me the price of fame

of fame

you never asked me

you made it mine

to make you happy

I'll be crucified

music makes a hero

torture makes a God

martyrs are always better

the pain is what you want

the stage becomes a gallows

waiting just for me

life's not as inspiring

as my death would be

genius isn't enough

tortured's what you need

now I belong to you

it's no longer up to me

oh, me

you never asked me

you made it mine

to make you happy

I'll be crucified

music makes a hero

torture makes a God

martyrs are always better

the pain is what you want

music makes a hero

torture makes a God

if you see me smile

it means that I'm a fraud

you don't want my music

you want a needle and a gun

this is how you want me

the work is never done

never done

you never asked me

you made it mine

to make you happy

I'll be crucified

music makes a hero

torture makes a God

martyrs are always better

the pain is what you want

three, four

still want more

five, six

crucifix

suicide

crucified

suicide

crucified

-Jesus Cobain

Me

the lines are a little wordy

but that's due more to the fact that I was writing it to a guitar part I'd written before; where the verses and chorus were kinda stretched and slow

it looks a little awkward on paper

and, honestly, sounds a little awkward

but it'll sound good when it's all put together

hopefully

Sweet Dreams

and because I feel like it, here's the latest version of The Quiz:

your life has just become a movie. fill in the songs that would play during the following:

opening credits: Disorder by Joy Division

party scene: Talk Show Host by Radiohead

falling in love scene: The Nurse Who Loved Me by A Perfect Circle

love love scene: Ring of Fire by Social Distortion

after a break-up driving scene: untitled by Silverchair

driving to make-up the break-up scene: La La Love You by The Pixies

plain old driving scene: The Distance by Cake

chase scene: How to Live by Audioslave

fight scene: Jerk-Off by Tool

funeral scene: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Tori Amos

closing credits: Don't Follow by Alice in Chains

�

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