"Somebody to Shove" 2003-10-09 - 3:36 a.m.

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it seems like the past few days I've been feeling pretty good

and then when it gets late, around the time I go to write in my diary I start feeling like shit

tonight I'm not depressed over anything in particular

I'm just in one of my: "I don't have anybody so fuck everybody" mentalities

earlier this week it was overcast and drizzling/raining all day

that's by far my favorite kind of weather

I've gotta move somewhere like London or Seattle where it's like that all the time

I know it's only a day or two until I see my friends again*

but everything seems so far away

apparently Wal-Mart is back to saying "we're hiring" again, so I have to give them a call saying I still want the job

and the thing I'm most concerned about:

my band

is kind've on hold right now

I guess Clinton's decided to wait 'til we get a bassist to get together

and despite how much I wanted it to be my band,

Clinton's basically running the show

I may have called him first, but he knows the drummer, and he's gonna be the one to find a bassist

and I hope to write as much of the songs as possible, but I get the feeling I'm gonna get to do much less of that than I'd like

there's nothing really indicating that

it's just a feeling I'm getting because I'm a pessimistic bastard

so even though that's been set in motion, at the moment it's not happening, so it feels like my life empty

I don't know

this internet radio thing has really got me digging the Smiths

they play them sometimes on the 80's Alternative station, and I enjoy their music

anyway,

*-I intend on seeing Kill Bill either friday or saturday(probably saturday), if someone wants to go with me tell me now so I can get the tickets through Fandango and get around the whole age-limit thing since it's rated R

I won't mind if nobody does, though

I don't know, I can't even hold up a coherent thought

I just want to lay in the dark and listen to music

Sweet Dreams