"Crimes" 2003-09-28 - 4:14 a.m.

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Today I killed a man.

It's easier than you'd think.

Ok, I didn't really, but it got you interested in the entry, didn't it?

no?

well crap

anyway,

Clinton didn't call today, which angered me

I called him and left a message on his cell-phone

I also called Stephanie; but I'm fairly sure she's avoiding me

someone was on the phone there, and unless the last person in the house got off the phone and just left,

then it means after whoever got done with the phone then Stephanie saw my number on Caller ID and told everyone not to pick it up

I don't know

I'm fairly sure I'm being paranoid, but this way if she still reads this she'll probably get angry and defend herself

and then I can get the attention I so desperately crave

anyway,

after that my short-lived courage for calling people died a quick but painful death

and I didn't take advantage of having Jill's number

plus, you know, the other friends of mine who's numbers I've had for a long time

I don't know

on the other hand my songwriting has been getting better and better

I continue to impress the pants off myself

which in itself impresses me

because really,

I make a lot of self-depricating jokes; but when you get down to it, that's actually rooted in the fact that I more or less hate myself

ask anyone who's ever tried to compliment me

or better yet, just go back to my first hundred or so entries

there's a lot of really violent self-hatred back there

but I digress

the fact that I find something that I'm creating is good really speaks volumes

anyway,

moving on

I have a new ambition now: I want to get a drum set

there's a lot of planning that's going to go into that, most of which I haven't thought out

and plus there's one gigantic, glaring fact:

money

or lack thereof

I don't know

I just want to be able to write as much music as possible

and right now drums are the only instrument I can't write for

of course then there's the problem of lyrics, which I absolutely suck at writing

I don't know

on one hand I'm getting ahead of myself

but on the other hand I'm not really

whatever

this entry is choppy and horribly written enough, I shall end it now

Sweet Dreams

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