"All Alone" 2003-09-20 - 4:08 a.m.

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I had a pretty shitty day today

all night I've had that line from 'the clique' by Good Charlotte in my head:

"you go out on friday night,

I'll stay in but that's alright"

I remember when friday used to mean something

but now it's just another night I sit in my room and play David Bowie songs and feel like vomitting

nobody even gets on IM anymore

I'm just in my own world of loneliness and bitterness

I can't say I blame anyone,

I've been thinking about it and it must suck to be my friend

I'm always accusing you of not liking me, I expect so much and actually give so little; while saying I give a lot

I probably am a horrible person

but I'm not trying to be

as if that's an excuse

*sigh*

I'm going to try calling Clinton again tomorrow

I should've called him earlier this week, but I've been so tired

seriously, I couldn't seem to do anything, I was just so lethargic

I couldn't even bring myself to play guitar, much less try starting a band

but today that changed

I learned Paint it Black and Ziggie Stardust

both excellent songs

I should be writing my own

or re-writing my old ones that have shitty lyrics like I've been meaning to

I don't know

I'm just having trouble seeing the point in anything anymore

I didn't get the job at the Halloween store

well, I'm "96% sure" I didn't

fuck

it seems like I'm destined to be unemployed for the rest of my life

the only people to return my call were the pig farm people

and I'm not willing to worsen my living situation just to get some job I'm gonna quit as soon as I get the money to get out of this place

shit

I broke my lighter today too

which is like rubbing salt in the wound

my life just sucks right now

sure, people've got it worse than me

I could be homeless and starving

but that's really the only things that could make it worse

I shouldn't say shit like that

I don't really mean it

it's the biting depression talking

but that's how it feels

Sitting In Muddy Water Isn't Such A Bad Life, If It Ends After The First Time

Sweet Dreams

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