"Grave Flower" 2003-09-05 - 3:33 a.m.

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"what's your fat ass doing here?"

"well he's my only means of conveyance; though I suppose I do spoil him..."

"clearly you do"

sorry for starting with quotes so often lately, I meant to use that last night but then the Conan with Patton Oswalt came on, and, well...

anyway, from now on I'll try and get right to business

*snicker*

my government lesson finally came back today; which was a relief, since it was taking fucking forever

also, I got gas in my car again, and got the application from Barnes & Noble

[no 's']

so let's all pray that I get the job

apparently the guy checks applications every day, so hopefully mine will be appealing

all those doodles I did of ponies and nymphs around the edges should grab his attention

in a related story:

by some miraculous occurance, I shall have money again tomorrow;

and the question of gifts for Robyn comes up

[and don't even think of protesting, I'm getting you a gift if I have to throw it through your window attached to a brick at three in the morning]

on one hand if I just give her money like I did for Steph-"I don't want anything from anyone"-anie

[so sue me, I don't feel like putting her last name]

then I'll know she'll get something she wants becuase she'll buy it herself,

but money is so cold and not-from-the-heart

if I get her a gift, it'll be more heartfelt; but I don't know if she'll like it

last year she put a wishlist in her diary, and that was very convenient

[wink wink, nudge nudge]

but we're all the same, my whole little circle

[deteriorated though it may be]

when it comes time to receive gifts were all like: "no, don't you dare get me anything or I'll hate you forever"

because we have no self esteem and don't feel like we're worthy of receiving gifts

but when we have to give gifts, we shift into: "I love you so much that I'm going to give you a gift if I have to cram it down your throat" mode

hence the whole brick-ey, threat-ey deal up there

so I don't know

in other news

I wrote another song today

just the guitar part

I've been doing that alot lately

I really like the guitar melodies I'm writing but I can't come up with lyrics

all in all I've got about 5 songs that I'm really proud of, and only two of them have lyrics

I'm sure if I took the lyrics off some of my other songs I'd like them a lot more

which really brings up the question of wether or not I'm qualified to be lead singer again

I don't know

I want to be lead singer

I desperately want to be lead singer

but I just don't know if I'm good enough

I don't know

at the moment it's pretty moot anyway

I don't want to try and join/start a band until I get my PA system 'cause I want to sing

but if I'm not going to sing do I even need a PA system?

if I'm just gonna play guitar I've got all I need

I don't know

I'll wait until I get some inspiration again, and then see what kinda lyrics I come up with

I don't know

Sweet Dreams

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