"Self Titled" 2003-08-30 - 4:16 a.m.

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I should really listen to more Killing Joke

they're a fantastic band

you want to hear something ironic?

in the early 90's; Killing Joke sued Nirvana because Nirvana's song "Come As You Are" contains a riff that is almost identical to Killing Joke's song "Eighties"

[it's true. The main riff from Come As You Are is off by maybe one note from the main riff to Eighties. I'm not saying Nirvana stole from Killing Joke; I don't know what happened, but if you listen to the songs Killing Joke were right to sue.]

and now, probably 10 years later; Killing Joke released an album where Dave Grohl, the drummer of Nirvana; plays drums for them.

now that's irony

I've been meaning to pick up that album

but right now it's fighting for position with "The Rise and Fall of Ziggie Stardust"

[or possibly "Hunky Dorey"]

by David Bowie and the soundtrack to FLCL

right now FLCL is winning; but that could change

and after that it's still Killing Joke vs. David Bowie

eventually I will own them all, so really this means nothing

in actual news:

me and Stephanie had a talk

and quite frankly she was calmer than I expected her to be

(or I would've been, in her position)

so I guess that's worked out

the only other person I was bitching about who partakes of diaryland is Evan

and I guess it's clear he doesn't read this anymore

fie Evan, fie

I don't know

I considered writing a song about it

[or rather, writing lyrics about it that would go with that poor, unused guitar melody I've got laying around]

but I changed my mind

pretty much all the songs I've written have been about me not liking the way things are going between me and Stephanie

and I desperately want to change that

so I don't know

I think it's time I just let the whole issue rest

moving on;

the sleeping pills I'm taking are really pissing me off

they don't help me get to sleep right away

but they keep me from staying up until 6 or 7 in the morning; so I don't want to stop taking them,

but they make it super hard to wake up until 4 or so in the afternoon

I swear

during the week I keep my alarm set at 2

[something I was hoping to change with sleeping pills that would help me get to sleep earlier and therefore wake up earlier]

but everyday I wake up and think: "ok, time to get up, I'll just touch my head to the pillow one last time..."

and I'm out for another hour and a half

then I wake up and I can't move, so I just kinda lay there on the thin line between counscious and unconscious for another half hour to hour

I know all you poor school-folk are probably like:

"YOU'RE BITCHING ABOUT SLEEPING TOO LATE!!!"

but this is a problem for me

I wake up at about sunset

and while I used to think that it would be cool if I could do that; unless I get a night job it's gonna make it real hard to find a job

and it keeps me from doing pretty much anything you can do during the day

which sucks

so I don't know

I've been hoping that it'll change; but I don't know

I guess I'll have to find the kind of sleeping pills I had the first time

you know, the ones I tried to kill myself with?

sorry, I had to say it to someone; and if I said it to my mom she might not get them when she goes to the store next time

anyway; I had more to say, but I'm having disturbing chest and throat pains, so I lost my train of thought

and I'm just gonna go

Sweet Dreams

P.S. - Sindy, I was gonna send you an e-mail, but due to the aforementioned pains I'm going to put that off; sorry.