"March of the Pigs?" 2003-08-28 - 4:54 a.m.

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well; freakscene.net has gone into one of its; "I don't think I'm going to receive e-mails people are sending you" moods(which brings a "yay" and "huzzah" so sarcasm-ridden that it may drip down onto the next statement)

which I've realized by the fact that I have two more notes than I had last time I checked but no notifications in my mailbox

thank you for the kind words you two

someday when I'm not being such a baby we'll all go out and have fun

possibly this weekend?

but I digress;

if anyone sent me actual e-mails, I don't have them

I don't know if I just don't have them yet; or if I don't have them and never will,

so I guess we'll find out whenever the hell freakscene.net decides to start taking e-mail again

now on to the entry proper:

my mood seems to change daily

one day I'll be all depressed and angst-ey

the next day I'm chipper and well, I don't know, "chipper" is such a good word I wish I could use it twice

chipper and chipper-ey

regardless,

I don't think I'm going to apologize for anything I said yesterday

but I'm pretty sure no one it would've bothered read it anyway, so *shrug*

I don't know

it seems like during the day I come up with about five or six things I want to talk about and be all entertaining

and then at night when I'm actually sitting here to type I can't remember any of them

mostly I just keep getting pissed off about today's death-camp-survivor idea of beauty

but I really don't want to go off on that particular rant

now or ever

so I just kinda end up with nothing to say

although, for once I do have something to talk about

making that whole deal pretty much pointless

today when I pestered my mom about wether she pestered her manager about getting me a job;

she pointed out to me a want-ad in the paper that sounded quite intriguing

it was for a live-in caretaker for this place that raises pot-bellied pigs near Marana

my first thought was: "near Marana? But then I won't be near my fri- ...oh, right"

my second thought was: "if I get the job I'll have a convenient way to dispose of anyone I kill"

[like in Snatch, remember? Brick Top? The pigs?]

I'm not making that up, either

shows where my values lie, eh?

I'm assuming that my only duties would be to feed the pigs at certain intervals

which I have no problems with

the only complications are:

A)it said: "non-smoker, no drugs". Now, the "no drugs" part is fine; obviously. But the non-smoker part raises an issue.

[luckily I think before I speak, because I almost said: "oh wait, it says non-smoker" to my mom]

I think I could get by; I mean, the place I live now is pretty much "non-smoking" and I'm pulling that off fine

the other problem being:

B)if I get my own little apartment-type deal where I can just live on my own with just the pigs in some seperate area; it'll be fine. But if it means living in a room in someone's house on a farm it wouldn't work out.

of course there's other stuff like my schoolwork(done through the mail, the whole address deal) and the internet connection and all that

but there's far from any guarantee I'm going to even have a shot at the job; much less get it

so that's the kinda stuff I'll worry about when it comes up

but in the back of my head is the whole watches-too-many-horror-movies worry of:

"maybe it's these psychotic pig farmers who feed their pigs with people; and when people come to them looking for a place to live with an easy job, they kill them and chop them up and feed them to the pigs, and no one wonders where they are 'cause they're supposed to be living there, and..."

but I know that's not likely

plus, like I said, if there is a serious chance I'm going to get the job, I'm going to check everything(and everyone) out and make sure all bases are covered so I don't just jump in and move out there without knowing what I'm getting into

(and if the people look like a disturbingly serious and simple personification of the people in American Gothic; I'm definitely not taking the job)

but anyway

if the deal goes through this is gonna be a gigantic life-changing event

if the position's filled or I don't get the job or whatever; it'll be nothing at all

so we'll have to wait and see

it's what's on my mind right now

and so now I leave you with what else is on my mind: a Dinosar Jr song I've had stuck in my head;

(when you have songs by a good band stuck in your head; it's not a bad thing)

Sweet Dreams

Yes, you love me

And you stole my clothes

I love you

But that's the way that it goes

So it goes

Guess you know how I feel

So it goes

You just couldn't be real

We know it's strong

And I don't think it's gonna go on

When I come home

I'm carryin' my shoes

I've been waitin'

To tell you some news

And you won't be home all night

And you don't want another fight

But you better love

Find some love

You better love me

It's not tonight

Yes, you love me

And you stole my clothes

I love you, baby

But that's the way that it goes

So it goes

Guess you know how I feel

So it goes

Couldn't be real

And you won't be home all night

And you don't want another fight

But you better love

Find some love

You better love me

It's not tonight

-Hot Burrito #2

Dinosaur Jr

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