"...Like A Crown Of Thorns" 2003-08-25 - 4:22 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

I seem to be reverting to my old depressed self.

It's probably just a slump.

I'm sure I'll pull out of it soon.

An old friend e-mailed me today.

I don't know what to do.

It seems wrong to just not answer him.

But I don't know what I could say if I do reply.

"sorry I've been avoiding you for the past year" just doesn't have the right ring to it.

I can't even give him a half-assed update on how I've been because I forget what I told him and what I didn't from before.

He knew me from back before I was open about my depression.

I mean, I was still depressed all the time; but I kept it to myself.

It's weird, I was like that all my life.

And then I met Stephanie and the kids here; and I started to wear my depression like a badge.

I don't know.

I've been a lot less depressed for the last few months.

But lately, I don't know...

I've been real contemplative lately; and I felt like being alone.

That's why I didn't call anyone this weekend.

(yeah, right, I was feeling "contemplative", it wasn't because I was afraid, oh no)

I don't know.

I'm so confused.

About myself.

About the people I know.

(I hesitate to call them "friends" because I haven't even spoken to them in weeks.)

About someone far away who's very close to me.

I've had the same pack of cigarettes for close to a month now.

It's the kind of pack where you rip open the side of the top, and they're always exposed.

I've only got two left; but they've gone stale.

(I didn't even know cigarettes could go stale until last week when I read it in a Stephen King novel. But even if I hadn't read that; stale is what they are.)

I can tell by the taste.

Everything feels like that.

I don't know if any of you have read 'The Langoliers' by Stephen King;

but it's like I've travelled over into "the past" like in that story.

Everything seems stale and off.

And This Is My Kinda Love

It's The Kind That Moves On

It's The Kind That Leaves Me Alone

...Like A Crown Of Thorns

Sweet Dreams

�

�