"untitled" 2003-08-21 - 4:02 a.m.

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my dog died today

it was actually the family dog

about 10 years ago we got two dogs from my cousins; whose dog had puppies

one for me, one for my sister

my dog got hit by a car 5 years ago

and my sister's dog kinda became the family dog

and she died today

I knew this day was coming for a while

I had been hoping it would be a long ways off, though

I was actually hoping to have moved out before it came

sometimes when my dad's bored at work; he calls home

asks if it's raining over here and stuff like that

he told me to check on the dog, because as he got in his car he saw her laying in the backyard in a weird position

either that or he said my sister saw her laying like that

I'm not sure which

so, still talking to my dad on the phone, I went outside and discovered the dog dead

it was really horrible

he told me to put her in a plastic bag

so it was I who had the task of putting the family dog in a plastic bag and carrying her to the side of the house so we could figure out what to do with her later

the ground is so hard here a burial is pretty much out of the question

I think my dad's going to take her to animal control

I've been trying to spare you guys the details, but...

the overly squeamish amongst you may want to skip to the asterisks

...

she was already stiff when I found her...

and lifting her to put her into the bags was like handling some horrible stuffed animal or dog mannaquin or something

it was horrible

***

my mind is already starting to block out most of it

and I'm shoveling as much repression on it as I can

but I think that memory is going to haunt me for a long time; if not forever

after I... did all I could,

I did a shot of vodka, threw all my clothes in the laundry, took a shower, and had a cigarette

it was a real bad day

the ironic thing is; the cousins who owned her mom are the cousins who live right around the corner

they still have her mother

she's still alive

how does the daughter die of old age before the mother?

it doesn't make sense

maybe tomorrow nothing will happen and I can talk about other inconsequential stuff that I've been meaning to talk about

but today.. I had to get that off my chest

Sweet Dreams