"Stuck" 2003-06-17 - 3:30 a.m.

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tonight was weird

earlier tonight I was struck with an absolutely piercing depression

honestly half of me wants to talk about it and half of me doesn't

but I'm going to do what I usually do in this situation and not

I'm sure one day soon those same reasons will get me depressed again and that time I'll stay that way long enough to talk about it

but not tonight

anyway,

it slowly faded to just bitter loneliness

and not even for a girlfriend; but just for anyone

my car is still busted(even though we have sort of figured out the problem)

which means that I can't go anywhere

I feel like one of the people in the pool in the video for We Die Young

just trapped

and even though I feel this way emotionally a lot

it's different to feel that way physically

which leads to me feeling like that emotionally

which leads to a double wammy of torture

and due to that nothing is really going on with me

although, today I got a summons for Jury Duty

now, I'm a huge Law & Order fan

in fact, these days it's about the only show I catch on a daily basis

so at first it was kinda like "whatever, it'll just be like watching Law & Order in real life"

but of course the courthouse is way the fuck downtown

everything is way the fuck downtown

but my parents just had to pick a house up north

it sucks

so I don't really want to get picked

apparently they summon about a 100 people and they only pick 12;

and I think a teenager with long hair(pulled back) wearing jeans and just a button-up t-shirt with either combat boots or beat-up Converse sneakers is not gonna be picked over 99 other respectable people in suits

but you never know

I wouldn't even be worried about this(or like I said, I might even want to get picked) if the courthouse wasn't such a long drive away

but I guess we'll just have to wait and see

I've got a whole month between now and then

and P.S. - 10 days 'till 28 Days Later

Sweet Dreams

My Life As A Movie:

opening credits: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

party scene: Breathe by Prodigy

falling in love scene: Creep by Radiohead

love love scene: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

driving after a break-up scene: Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns by Mother Love Bone

driving to make-up the break-up scene: 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle

plain old driving scene: Would by Alice in Chains

chase scene: All I Want by The Offspring

fight scene: Prison Sex by Tool

funeral scene: Untitled by Silverchair

closing credits: I'm Insane by Dinosaur Jr