"Why Can't I Get Just One Kiss?" 2003-06-13 - 2:18 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

I'm feeling a little bitter tonight

so warning: This entry will be bitchy

first off I should say computers suck

I finished my Government assignment, but I can't print it up because the printer situation in my house is mildly confusing

honestly it's nothing that I can't handle; but I'm too tired to care

and that's another thing that really sucks

it's like I've been stuck in some wierd time-bubble for the past several months

I haven't gotten a new band, I haven't gotten a new girlfriend, I'm not in school anymore but I'm still doing homework, I'm still unemployed

the only thing that's changed is that my Crohn's is feeling mildly better and my hair is finally long

but it sucks

and today I have this gigantic zit on my forehead that makes me look like I'm Hindu

I've already bitched about how my parents aren't giving me money anymore

so I'll be gracious and spare you nice folks who take the time to read my diary

but I am going to bitch about another running gag on this site:

I desperately want a girlfriend

I want a girl who I can hang out with all day

but we can hug and hold hands and kiss

and at the end of the day we can cuddle, and say sweet things to eachother

and I'll be honest: I would like to have sex

I'm just getting really tired of my virginity

back when I was first hitting puberty, and I was starting to grow hair in strange places and girls were suddenly attractive

I made a stupid little-horney-teenager promise to myself that I didn't want to leave high school a virgin

that seemed like a fairly attainable goal

I didn't want to be "a player" or some wild sex-fiend

I just didn't want to be a virgin

and even though now I can realize how stupid and(as I said) "little-horney-teenager"-ish that is,

I don't like to break promises to myself

even for dumb, immature stuff like that

but honestly that has less to do with it than the girls who actually find the idea of me and them having sex repulsive

how whenever I talk to Jinx about doing anything how she feels the need to stress how she has A BOYFRIEND over and over

how Misty was actually physically disgusted when I simply hugged her

honestly the sex has less to do with it than the other relationship-type-stuff

but it just hurts

it feels like there's a big hole in me

and nobody wants to fill it

Sweet Dreams

My Life As A Movie:

opening credits: Dead Souls by Joy Division

school montage: Lithium by Nirvana

falling in love scene: Happiness by Built to Spill

fawning over un-requited love scene: Love Song by The Cure

getting rejected scene: I Wanna Be Your Dog by The Stooges

driving while depressed scene: Guitar and Video Games by Sunny Day Real Estate

plain old driving scene: Why Can't I Get Just One Kiss? by The Violent Femmes

chase scene: Black Sunshine by White Zombie

suicide attempt scene: Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith

funeral scene: Asleep by The Smiths

closing credits: Dig for Fire by The Pixies

�

�