"Hush" 2003-05-05 - 4:23 a.m.

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I'm such a fucking nobody

I have nothing to say

to anyone

ever

I can't believe people read this

I don't understand why people would want to be friends with me

I can't even talk to people anymore

I've got nothing interesting to say

no interesting stories to tell

no experience on anything from which to base advice on

I used to be good at cheering people up

I used to be able to at least act like everything was ok

but I can pinpoint the exact moment I lost that

there's an entry about it in here somewhere

I came home from a walk one night and my mom was sitting in the living room crying

she said that I hated her, and that I never listened to her, and that I was just tolerating her until I moved out

and she was right

but instead I told her: "no mom, I love you"

and I just went on and on telling her how she wasn't right

and all these lies to make her feel better

and it took everything I had

after that, I haven't been able to tell anyone "things will be ok"

the words just don't come

even when I'm feeling good and happy, I can't think of anything

and I just have nothing to offer anyone

I'm sorry