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"Ex-Girlfriend" 2003-05-02 - 1:43 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj an interesting thing happened in Freak Scene today I decided to make Jill's character my character's girlfriend it's only going to last through the beginning of the first issue and Jill was all over me back in the day anyway and "she was my girlfriend" sounds better than "she was all over me and I was too much of a jackass to do anything about it" and now I can kill two birds with one stone by adding in myself and Alane's breakup through Jill's character after such a blatant lack of reality; the door is opened to all kinds of glorifications and embellishments on the rest of the story but I'll be careful after this I promise but changing the story that way has made me think of Alane every once in a while I regret the way things happened between us most of it runs to the tenor of: "I should've stayed together with her; she was probably the only girl who'll ever be interested in me" but I know what I did was the right decision we had nothing in common, and now she's free to date someone who'd be better for her and overall I'm really proud of myself through that whole deal I mean, I'm not proud that I dumped her; but I'm proud that I didn't get dumped and I'm not proud that I made her sad, but I'm proud that I was a good enough boyfriend while it lasted that she was sad it ended I don't know if that makes sense or if it sounds horrible or not; but in my head it sounds right Alane really was a great girl, though and of course I can't think about her without thinking about the shallow end of things I mean, she actually agreed to gain weight for me! [some of my newer readers(*snicker*), may not know this as I haven't mentioned it in a while; but I'm what's known as an 'FA', or 'Fat Admirer'. I like chubby girls, basically.] that was one of the happiest moments of my life **warning** for the rest of this entry I'm pretty much just going to be reminiscing about Alane, so those of you who don't care might want to just hit the bricks[don't worry, I'll write a real entry later] *********** Alane and I were at my house, alone, and we were sitting on a bench on my front lawn, staring at the mountains and I remember I was so scared I was practically terrified I mean, here I was about to ask this girl to go against all the conventional notions of beauty; to defy pretty much all the fashion magazines and things of the sort and actually intentionally gain weight I wasn't scared she's say no I told her: "if you say no, then that's fine, I'll accept that; and I'll never mention it again" I was scared she'd call me a freak and run off on me looking back it's a good thing that my Crohn's wasn't acting up back then, or I would've ruined the mood by running in and out of the bathroom but anyway, I finally got up the courage to ask her and she said yes! I was so happy and she was true to her word, too probably the most exciting memory in my life is back then when we'd press against eachother to make out and I could feel her soft tummy that had been flat before bulging out against mine oh, man [hey, I warned you people] there was more to it, as well but I don't think I'm going to be sharing that with you people heh heh � � |