"Ex-Girlfriend" 2003-05-02 - 1:43 a.m.

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an interesting thing happened in Freak Scene today

I decided to make Jill's character my character's girlfriend

it's only going to last through the beginning of the first issue

and Jill was all over me back in the day anyway

and "she was my girlfriend" sounds better than "she was all over me and I was too much of a jackass to do anything about it"

and now I can kill two birds with one stone by adding in myself and Alane's breakup through Jill's character

after such a blatant lack of reality; the door is opened to all kinds of glorifications and embellishments on the rest of the story

but I'll be careful after this

I promise

but changing the story that way has made me think of Alane

every once in a while I regret the way things happened between us

most of it runs to the tenor of: "I should've stayed together with her; she was probably the only girl who'll ever be interested in me"

but I know what I did was the right decision

we had nothing in common, and now she's free to date someone who'd be better for her

and overall I'm really proud of myself through that whole deal

I mean, I'm not proud that I dumped her; but I'm proud that I didn't get dumped

and I'm not proud that I made her sad, but I'm proud that I was a good enough boyfriend while it lasted that she was sad it ended

I don't know if that makes sense or if it sounds horrible or not;

but in my head it sounds right

Alane really was a great girl, though

and of course I can't think about her without thinking about the shallow end of things

I mean, she actually agreed to gain weight for me!

[some of my newer readers(*snicker*), may not know this as I haven't mentioned it in a while; but I'm what's known as an 'FA', or 'Fat Admirer'. I like chubby girls, basically.]

that was one of the happiest moments of my life

**warning**

for the rest of this entry I'm pretty much just going to be reminiscing about Alane, so those of you who don't care might want to just hit the bricks[don't worry, I'll write a real entry later]

***********

Alane and I were at my house, alone, and we were sitting on a bench on my front lawn, staring at the mountains

and I remember I was so scared

I was practically terrified

I mean, here I was about to ask this girl to go against all the conventional notions of beauty; to defy pretty much all the fashion magazines and things of the sort and actually intentionally gain weight

I wasn't scared she's say no

I told her: "if you say no, then that's fine, I'll accept that; and I'll never mention it again"

I was scared she'd call me a freak and run off on me

looking back it's a good thing that my Crohn's wasn't acting up back then, or I would've ruined the mood by running in and out of the bathroom

but anyway, I finally got up the courage to ask her

and she said yes!

I was so happy

and she was true to her word, too

probably the most exciting memory in my life is back then when we'd press against eachother to make out and I could feel her soft tummy that had been flat before bulging out against mine

oh, man

[hey, I warned you people]

there was more to it, as well

but I don't think I'm going to be sharing that with you people

heh heh