"I Don't Know Anything" 2003-03-24 - 5:22 a.m.

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it's almost 5:30 AM

the only other people who aren't asleep right now are the ones who have woken up after sleeping

not me

haven't slept yet

I'm not remotely tired

I could do athletic things right now

y'know, if I actually ever had the urge to do anything athletic...

things haven't felt right lately

I mean, as I said in my last entry; things have really turned around, and I'm loving that and am eternally grateful

but something feels like a Twilight Zone episode

like tomorrow my mom will pull her face off and reveal that everyone I've ever known has been an alien cast in some gigantic "Truman Show"-esque reality show chronicling the life of the last surviving human when their race destroyed earth a millenia ago

or, you know, something realistic...

I don't know

I just know that something doesn't feel right

...

on an un-related note, I was thinking about Stephanie again

just how wierd it must be to have someone like me around

someone who always talks about her in their diary;

someone who's constantly saying how much she means to them, and how they couldn't live without her

the fact that she hasn't murdered me by now is just another example of how much stronger than me she is

if I was in her position and someone else followed me around like I do to her;

I would've told them to fuck off all the time, no matter how much we had in common, or whatever

I probably would've gone insane and murdered them

it's just creepy

I mean, it's not like I'm stalking her or calling her house every five minutes; or even every day for that matter

but just how much I talk about how much she means to me

and how much of a part of my life I've let her become

I don't know

it's not like I can help it

I guess it's just that I don't open up to people

...at all

and when I finally did, finally exposed everything about myself; to her

I guess I just got attached

like some horrible alien plant or something

"It appears as a blank and harmless pod, but when it opens; the innards reach out like tentacles and ensare the victim"

I don't know

life doesn't always make sense

in fact, more often than not it doesn't make any sense at all

Please Sing Me To Sleep...

Sweet Dreams

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