"'Summerland' is over; next track: 'Needle in the Hay'" 2003-03-12 - 3:00 a.m.

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tonight was interesting

...for lack of a better term

I was sitting around contemplating making myself a mini-pizza when I heard a bit of a song that made me horribly depressed

so I started to go for a walk

the moon was so bright(for a change), and the night was so beautiful

and I started thinking of "Summerland" by Everclear

and that song always makes me think of Robyn

so I hopped in my car, prayed to God that it would start on the first try(and it did!), and snuck out to head down to Robyn's

I don't know why I thought it would work, but it seemed like a good idea

the whole ride there I was thinking of what I was going to say

something clever and sweet and mildly romantic I could say that would make it like one of those scenes from a John Cusack movie like she's always talking about

she would sneak out and we'd go get coffee or just drive

and maybe we'd keep going

set up shop in some little hotel room a few towns over

get my disability sent to there

who knows

but when I got there, I stood outside her window for a while

at first I even chickened out and started to leave

I should've kept going

but I didn't

I turned around and went back

got up my courage and threw a rock at her window

after a few moments and a couple of rocks she opened the window of the next room over

at first I thought it was her mom

"what're you doing?"

my clever opening turned into fumbled apologies and lame explanations

she couldn't come out

I kind of slithered away in shame

and I feel like such an ass

I wanted to be sweet

"I figured you'd be the only one up"

yeah, that's great Brett; make her feel like a last resort

asshole

of course she didn't want to sneak out with my dumb ass

so I got back in my car and went back to the last place I wanted to go

home

that's why I never want to do anything

it's never like the movies with me

it's always shame and fumbled apologies

I hate myself and want to die

Sweet Dreams

your hand on his arm

the hay stack charm around your neck

strung out and thin

calling some friend trying to cash some check

he's acting dumb

that's what you've come to expect

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

he's wearing your clothes

head down to toes a reaction to you

you say you know what he did

but you idiot kid

you don't have a clue

sometimes they just get caught in the eye

you're pulling him through

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

now on the bus

nearly touching this dirty retreat

falling out 6th and powell a dead sweat in my teeth

gonna walk walk walk

four more blocks plus the one in my brain

down downstairs to the man

he's gonna make it all ok

i can't be myself

i can't beat myself

and i don't want to talk

i'm taking the cure so i can be quiet

whenever i want

so leave me alone

you ought to be proud that i'm getting good marks

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

needle in the hay

-Needle in the Hay

Elliot Smith