"3 Libras" 2003-03-04 - 2:51 a.m.

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a horrifying depression has been fighting to break through the emotionless gray blob of apathy that has become my life lately

I listened to A Perfect Circle while I did a sketch in my aptly-named sketch book,

that brought it out

3 Libras, specifically

that song just touches me someplace deep and inappropriate

I have to stop being such a smart-ass when I'm talking about my own serious emotions,

anyway, it's about being ignored

and it speaks volumes about my life

for a moment I went someplace dark that I haven't been in a long time

and as much as it hurts, I like it there

'cause yeah, it hurts, but it's my hurt

it's a dark and lonely place, but it's home

more than any house or town that I've ever lived in

and it's better to feel something, than nothing

'cause lately all I've felt is nothing

shallow reflections of emotions that are no more than imitations of what I once felt

tonight when I went out for my walk, I dressed goth

like I used to

put on black jeans, fishnet shirt, jewelry, brushed my hair in my face like Robert Smith or Kidman

and went out for a walk

it felt good

and as a result I'm thinking of switching back to goth

wear all-black all the time, paint my nails, listen to White Zombie and Fear Factory instead of Alice in Chains and Dinosaur Jr., the whole nine

the music thing is kinda shallow, but to be honest I love all those bands anyway, so it'd just be listening to some more often than others

I think this time I'd even go for the make-up

just something simple, like Raven has here:

of course, eye make up might be kind of superfluous with my glasses, but I'm going to be looking into contacts as soon as I get my hands on some serious money, which I should in the near future

of course then I'd have Cody all over me,

but whatever

it's not like I ever see him anyway

I think instead of dying my hair, though, I'd braid in black extensions and pull it back, like Raven:

not the best pick for the extensions, but I couldn't find a better one; and that'll at least give you an idea of how I'd have it pulled back

anyway, the reason I'm blithering on about my "look" after the serious emotional type stuff I was talking about earlier in the entry; is because I'm looking for advice

don't gimme that: "you just do what you want" crap, I'm looking for opinions here

whatever

Sweet Dreams

Threw you the obvious

And you flew with it on your back

A name in your recollection

Down among a million same

it's difficult not to feel a little bit

Disappointed, and passed over.

I looked right through,

To see you naked and oblivious

and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,

Just to see if there's more behind the

Eyes of a fallen angel,

Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit

Too much from the wounded

But I see,

See through it all,

See through,

see you

threw you the obvious

Do you see what occurs behind the

Eyes of a fallen angel

Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.

Apparently nothing at all.

You don't

You don't

You don't see me

You don't

You don't

You don't see me

You don't

You don't

You don't see me

You don't

You don't

You don't see me at all

-3 Libras

A Perfect Circle

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