"I'm Insane" 2003-01-29 - 4:44 a.m.

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I can't sleep

I don't know why

usually when I can't sleep it's because thoughts are racing through my head

but tonight I'm relaxed(well, I was)

it sucks

of course I slept almost all day

woke up at nine, did some work, practiced my guitar with the mic and everything; then went back to sleep at about one

slept 'til five

damnit

and now I'm wide fucking awake

I could do gymnastics

I wiped the dust off my screen

it's wierd,

everything's so sharp and bright

there must've been about an inch layer of dust there

alright, that's horrible exaggeration; but there was a lot

enough to make a disturbingly large difference in the quality of the picture

I realized/found out today that Dinosaur Jr got together the year I was born

interesting but trivial

lately I've been having trouble deciding if I should stick with guitar or go back to bass

despite the fact that most people would be able to accept the fact that they play both

I'm wierd, and I commit to things

like, really commit

so I'm either a guitar player or a bass player

I could play either for a band, but I have to pick one to be dominant('cause that's the way my mind works); and I can't pick which one

my 300th entry is coming up

I had planned to do something "special" for my 100th entry, but forgot

then I planned to do like the Simpsons and do something special for the 112th(or some random number like that) entry

but I forgot

my 200th entry came at a time(I'm pretty sure) when I was horribly depressed, and wierd things were happening between me and my friends; and entry numbers were beyond un-important

for my 300th entry, far too much has happened for me to try and sum it up(like I had planned to do for my "100th Entry Special"), so I'm planning to take some pictures of myself with my parents' digital camera and post them in here for people who haven't met me

while I realize this will probably frighten off most of my readers; I realize that most people are the curious types, no matter how well they can control it in front of others, and for things like on-line diaries the issue of "what does this horribly over-dramatic person look like?" arise

so I'll give that a try

and I must apologize to Jeanisdead; I went about a week where I didn't talk to anyone becuase I felt really anti-social, and I usually don't get on until late because one of my old friends found out my new screen-name and I don't want to talk to him; so I wait until after he gets off to log on

and then the past two days something has fucked up with my IM so I've been disconnected before I could talk to you

and while I realize this probably isn't tearing you up inside, one day it fucked up right after I got on and today it fucked up right after you got on; so it probably looks like I'm avoiding you; and I just wanted to let you know that this isn't the case

and speaking of other people, "Lilyrain" works at a thrift-store according to her answers on that quiz(which admittedly was in an older entry, so she may not work there anymore), and I buy all my clothes except t-shirts at thrift stores; so I'm thinking next time I go shopping I'll have to go to the one she works at and meet her in person

it's going to be so hilariously awkward, just because I'm inordinately shy and bad at talking to people(in general, but it's even worse-) when I'm first meeting them

so that should be interesting

and despite the fact that I'm still not tired, I can't think of any other random crap to talk about, so I'll just have to go thrash around my bed trying to get to sleep

bloody insomnia,

Sweet Dreams

If I ran away today

Will you pull me back tomorrow?

Took some time to arrange

With trust, space will follow

Out to find the things you need

Your connections hard to swallow

Still things you tell me when

Your eyes track me down, keepin' you hollow

Throat starts to drain

I've done it way too many times to go away

Gone in a state, by my water

Can you bring it back to me

Will you follow?

And how'd you get away

If I ran away today

Will you pull me back tomorrow?

Took some time to arrange

Your connections hard to swallow

I know you're somewhere, I'm Insane

It's your needs on my brain

Smack me out, Our eyes exchange

To have the strength to stake my claim

Have you placed it?

I can't taste it

Will I waste it?

Can't trace it

Time to face it

Now gonna go away

I know you're somewhere, I'm Insane

It's your needs on my brain

Smack me out, Move on with change

To have the strength to stake my claim

I know you're somewhere, I'm Insane

To have the strength to stake my claim

I know you're somewhere, I'm Insane

To have the strength to stake my claim

-I'm Insane

Dinosaur Jr