"Bigger is Better" 2003-01-08 - 8:46 p.m.

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not much going on

I'm so desperately lonely

jeanisdead put a list of 'as many things you don't know about me that I can list in one sitting' in her diary

and it makes me sad because I wish I had someone to tell that kind of stuff to

sure, I know people read this; but I don't know, it's just not the same

and besides, the stuff you people don't know about me I don't want you to know

I'm already disgustingly open in this thing(literally, I am disgusted by how open I am in here)

the only things I haven't told are closely guarded secrets

but Stephanie was too busy to hang out with me for a week

and now they're all in school

and it sucks

I'm so desperately lonely

I know I could just open IM and talk to some people, but I don't want to

and I don't know why I don't want to

but I don't

*sigh*

I'm so stupid

I'm getting really sick again

damnit

I fucking hate my stomach

and I fucking hate the fucking specialist who didn't do shit for me and then made me wait another two months before I can even see him again

fuckhead

damnit

in other news, I'm now hell-bent on taking up the guitar

don't get me wrong

I love bass

I really do

the only problem I have with it,

is that it doesn't stand up on its own

like when I occasionally go down to Wilson and play, if someone were to sit around and listen it would sound like shit

bass just is not a solo instrument

but guitar you can play solo and make a career out of it

it's just a more open-ended instrument

if that makes sense

but yeah, so now I'm planning to take up guitar

and I'm still gonna sing

so if Robyn still wants to be in a band with me; she can play either drums or bass

if she picks drums we'll get Misty on bass

or maybe I'll force Stephanie to learn it

and if she picks bass then I'll force Evan to join up again

I don't really want to force either of them to do anything

I really don't

but not being in a band is starting to drive me crazy

just knowing that I have to wait until I get a job and earn enough money to get a PA System before we can even get started is starting to become physically painful

the only upside is that it'll give me time to learn guitar

and for Robyn to learn whatever she wants

if it comes to that I could teach Steph bass in a matter of hours

it's so bloody simple

or, now that I think about it, I could teach Robyn in a few hours as well for that matter

but whatever

anyway

and, some shallow crap to end the night

I've never thought Sandra Bullock was particularly talented or attractive

oh sure, she's good(if nothing else she beats the shit out of Jennifer Lopez; but then again, I think everyone does, so...)

but she's nothing special

doesn't really stand out

and you have to admit she's in some absolutely shit movies

but, she's announced that she's going to take a break from making movies and being in the public eye so she can gain weight

she's tired of all the stick thin actresses out there, and the BS way of thinking that thin is beautiful

so she's going to take time off and get fat

which makes her my new favorite actress

I can guarantee you that I'll be seeing her next movie, no matter how 'chick-flick'y it is

even if it's Speed 3

I just hope that more actresses/celebrities, and regular women for that matter, follow her example and realize that it's just plain freaking dumb busting your ass to try and stay thin

and not only is it easier, and(to some extent) healthier to be fat

but it's also much, much more attractive

so yeah, that's my "fat is where it's at" rant for the night

Sleep Well, and Dream of Large Women

Sweet Dreams

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