"Where the River Flows" 2002-11-30 - 11:40 p.m.

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I wrote a very long entry last night, but my piece of shit computer screwed up and it's gone

stuff is happening in my life again

the medication seems to be working, but I'm beyond wary; I'm overwhelmed with feelings of pessimism

Steph, Robyn, and Evan: What do you want for Christmas?

I'm a little pissed at the moment

I told my dad about my idea about just taking correspondance courses for the rest of the year and getting a full time job

he said I had to go to school

I provided support and reasons

he said he thinks I can go to school

I told him it would be a waste of time, and things would be better for all involved if I could just spend my time on a job

he said I'm going back to school

I said I'm eighteen now, and I can make my own bloody decisions about my life

he said as long as I live under his roof he's in charge

I'd call his bluff except I know he's not bluffing, and I'm not ready to be on my own yet

I'm not so much pissed that I have to go back to school; I can deal with that if I have to

it's just kind of dumb is all

what really fucking bothers me is that turning eighteen meant nothing at all

I may be legally an adult, but hell if I could prove it

I can't even buy cigarettes for fear my parents will catch me

I have to get out of here

I have to get far far away from Tucson, Arizona

I have to get away from the Stickroth family

when I get to college I'm changing my last name to Ramone

I can't get out of here fast enough

shit

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