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"Summerland" 2002-10-29 - 12:02 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj Hi. My name is Brett Stickroth. I used to be a normal kid. Well; I wouldn't call myself normal, but I could've passed for it. I watch wrestling and read comic books, and dress like it's 1992. I have a disease. But they don't know what it is or how to fix it. And they insist on waiting to find out. I used to think about things, like horror movies, and deep questions about life and theology and politics. Now I think about how sick I feel. And when I'm not feeling sick I wonder how long it'll be before I feel sick again. When I can pry my thoughts away from that I think of my friends. Stephanie-Probably the best friend I've ever had. I've made more mistakes than any person should make towards another with her, but she keeps coming back. And I love her for it. Robyn-The most wonderful person I've ever known. She seems to embody fun and innocence and happiness. But just like all things that appear good, inside she's deeply unhappy. If I could I would give anything to make her as happy as she looks. Evan-Formerly a good friend of mine. Someone I want back dearly. Someone I used to think had better resolve than me; but now I realize that he's not stronger, he's weaker. He couldn't hack it. But God do I wish he could. "Jeanisdead"-the coolest person I've never met. The only person on this whole internet thing that seems to take an interest in me. For some reason I can't think of anything nice to say about her right now; but trust me, she's a great person. I'm just distracted. Today was interesting for me. I stayed home from school. I could've gone; but I felt bad in the morning. And when you've been sick every day for a week, and you feel bad; logic states that you're going to be sick all day again. But for some reason today it went away. I guess I'll go tomorrow. Me and my mom got in an argument though. She seems to be in denial that there's anything actually wrong with me. She actually outright accused me of faking all of this today. So I took a pair of scissors and sawed a small gash in my arm while yelling: "look at my threshold for pain, this isn't phasing me; now when I say my stomach hurts then my stomach *hurts*" I stayed pissed at her for the rest of the day when she got home from school(she goes to night school now) she knocked on my door to give me my laundry; and when I opened the door she forced her way in. She tried to smile at me, went to kiss me. I turned my head. I'm still pretty pissed, but now it's in the background. I don't care anymore. I may never get along with my mom again until I move out[or die], but I'm no longer going to waste time being pissed at her. And rather unsurprisingly I've been thinking of leaving recently. Once I find a job I'm going to save up enough money to live on for a while, then I'm going to throw my stuff into my van, call up Robyn and say: "robyn, let's go. right now. let's blow this popsicle stand and never look back". Then just hit the fucking road. Stop in New Orleans or Seattle or New York or some other city and try and live. Back in the pre-Misfits Concert days when I still got along really well with Jinx; she used to talk about how we should just leave. She had connections in New York or something like that and could make money selling drugs, and we could make it out there. I used to seriously think about taking her up on that alot. I just don't know anymore. I don't know anything. Let's just drive your car We could drive all day Let's just get the hell away from here For I am sick again- just plain sick to death Of the sound of my own voice We could leave behind another wasted year Just get some cheap red wine And just go flying We could do the things, All the things you wanted to No one cares about us anyway I think I lost my smile I think you lost yours too We have lost the power to make each other laugh Let's just leave this place And go to Summerland Just a name on the map Sounds like heaven to me We could find a town- be just how we want to be No one here really cares about us anyway We could find a place- make it what we want it to be No one really gives a fuck about us anyway We could live- live just like we want to live No one here really cares about us anyway We could be- everything we want to be We could get lost in the Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade The Sparkle and Fade Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade Forget about our jobs at the record store Forget about all the losers that we know Forget about all the memories that keep you down Forget about them We could lose them in the Sparkle and Fade We could leave them behind In the Sparkle and Fade Yeah Sparkle and Fade Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade -Summerland Everclear Robyn- I dream about the day that I can sing this to you and mean it. It keeps me alive. � � |