"Boys Don't Cry" 2002-10-15 - 12:42 a.m.

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fuck

I really don't want to be writing this; but I'm back in manic mode and I don't want to end the night on a depressing note

I fucking hate being manic

on the way to nightfall the other day(which sucked by the way); I started to pull my hair back in a ponytail so it doesn't blow in my face when I drive(as I usually do) and Stephanie said: "Brett, you're such a girl"

once we got there I let my hair down and kept the rubber band around my wrist, when Stephanie noticed and realized I'd pulled my hair back with a rubber band instead of a real hair tie she said: "Brett, you're such a boy"

honestly I like being called a girl better

it's funny

I remember when I went to queer prom; me and Steph and Amber all sat in the back seat(and all three of us had skirts on by the way) of Matt's car. And amidst discussion we decided that amongst the three of us I was the most feminine

now Amber is kind of tomboy-ish, but she's still feminine

and despite Stephanie's complexes about being butch she's really just as feminine as any grunge girl can be

and I was still the most feminine of the three

something's telling me I shouldn't be as proud of that as I am

and the funny thing is I'm completely straight

well... mostly straight

I suppose technically I'm bi; but since I don't really want to date guys, I guess for all intents and purposes that makes me straight

I have no idea where this is going, I just wanted to comment on this

and on a somewhat related note: I've found the perfect band for me:

The Cure

I've had Just Like Heaven on my computer for a while; but just recently I've downloaded a lot more of their stuff and plan on buying their CDs asap

plus they did a cover of Creep by Radiohead, which really sounds like one of their songs anyway; but it just makes them so fucking cool for doing that

but it's the perfect music for feminine (mostly)heterosexuals

I love it

I realize this entry is bizarre and kind of stupid; but this is what's inside my head, as shallow and stupid as it may be

which is why I really don't like being manic

I would say I'm sorry

if I thought it would change your mind

but this time I've said too much

been too unkind

I try to laugh about it

cover it up with lies

I try to laugh about it

hiding the tears in my eyes

'cause boys don't cry

boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet

beg forgiveness, plead with you

but I know that it's too late

now there's nothing I can do

I try to laugh about it

cover it up with lies

I try to laugh about it

hiding the tears in my eyes

'cause boys don't cry

boys don't cry

I would say I love you

if I thought it would make you stay

but I know that it's too late

you've already gone away

I misjudged your limits

pushed you too far

took you for granted

thought that you needed me more

I would do most anything

to get you back at my side

but I'll just keep on laughing

hiding the tears in my eyes

'cause boys don't cry

boys don't cry

boys don't cry

-Boys Don't Cry

The Cure

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