"Clint Eastwood" 2002-10-11 - 9:43 p.m.

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3 and a half hours until I'm an adult

I was born at about 1 am on October 12th; 18 years ago.

I can't stop thinking about things

this is my last fall in the public school system

this is my last fall living under my parent's roof

tomorrow I'll be going to Nightfall for probably the last time

and though I usually look at my independence of next summer with optimism

-it IS the carrot I've been dangling in front of myself for years now to keep myself alive-

now I view it like a cockroach with the light flipped on

"I'm not ready" "this isn't how it was supposed to be" "I don't want to leave this life yet"

I've got a long way to go; but yet it is not that long at all

The ability to buy cigarettes suddenly doesn't seem like a fair trade for having to jump headfirst into my future; and see how well my hopes and half-assed plans keep me from smashing against the bottom

18 is just the beginning; graduation from high school is just the beginning of your life.

and right now all I can think about is how if I get off on the wrong foot I'll fall flat on my face and never recover

I have high hopes and a very slim chance to accheive them

failure is not an option.

if I'm forced into mediocrity then I'll have no choice but to grow the balls to pull my own trigger

I should just calm down

I may not be ready right now; but I've got a few months to make myself ready

I'll just have to breath deep and deal with it

fuck

I'll probably write later

I aint happy, I'm feeling glad

I got sunshine in a bag

I'm useless, but not for long

my future is comin' on...

-Clint Eastwood

Gorillaz

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