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"Lovesong" 2002-10-05 - 12:14 a.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj Some things never change I keep thinking of "Cupid's Victim" by Tiger Army that's what I am Cupid nailed me in the heart; and I'm slowly dieing from the hemmorhage I was digging through my closet today, found my yearbook from Encinal Jessica's picture was in it I sat there and stared at it No matter what I try and tell myself about how it would never have worked; no matter how hard I try and convince myself that I don't have feelings for her anymore; I still do I would do anything for her Smash anyone or anything I love for her Destroy those around me for her if I believed in the crap about the devil and selling souls then she's the only thing I could think would be worth selling my soul for and I will never have her no matter how bad I try and reason with myself, I still have half-assed fantasies about her being a fan of my band when we're famous; about meeting her at a show; ending up happily ever after it won't happen no matter what I told Stephanie and Robyn and Patty; I think the only person I've ever been really and truely *in* love with is Jessica. I've never felt pain like the day I knew she was gone and no matter how long it's been since the last time I thought about her, the next time I do I still feel as strongly for her as I did when she sat accross from me in Ms. Boytz's class. When I think of her I don't think of my problems, I don't think of pushing her away to save her from me there's only the selfish desire to be with her she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen even if she's immortalized forever as a tiny black and white yearbook photo that probably looks nothing like her now I had a crush on her from the moment I laid eyes on her, and then as we talked it blossomed into love and if it was anything less it would've faded by now my only consolation in that I'll probably never see her again is that it probably wouldn't've worked if we were around eachother pretty shitty consolation huh? every time I see her in my mind, every thought I have of her, is directly followed by the memory of Amy saying: "I like a boy here, but I won't say anything to him because he likes Jessica" and I turn just in time to see her slam her head against the table in disgust. I can still hear her head thump against the table, and every time it replays in my mind it's like a hammer on my heart but even with that I still love her 'I have to be the tragic figure out in the rain mourning my lost love' I guess that makes me a flake, eh Merv? Maybe in another life I could find you there Pulled away before your time I can't deal it's so unfair And it feels And it feels like Heaven's so far away And it feels Yeah it feels like The world has grown cold Now that you've gone away Leaving flowers on your grave Show that I still care But black roses and Hail Mary's Can't bring back what's taken from me I reach to the sky And call out your name And if I could trade I would And it feels And it feels like Heaven's so far away And it stings Yeah it stings now The world is so cold Now that you've gone away -Gone Away The Offspring I know it's not quite accurate, because as far as I know she's alive; but there's a few choice lines in there that fit whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am home again whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am whole again whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am young again whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am fun again however far away I will always love you however long I stay I will always love you whatever words I say I will always love you I will always love you whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am free again whenever I'm alone with you you make me feel like I am clean again however far away I will always love you however long I stay I will always love you whatever words I say I will always love you I will always love you -Lovesong The Cure � � |