"God Smack" 2002-09-18 - 12:40 a.m.

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I think I may have pissed off Robyn. I'm not sure what I said. I have some ideas but I'm not sure exactly what it was, if anything. I don't even know if it's me she's pissed at. Either way I feel terrible. If it was me that pissed you off Robyn; I'm sorry. Shit. Despite what I keep saying about how I'd never do Heroin; the idea grows larger and larger in my mind everyday. I had to have a blood sample taken at the doctor's yesterday. Usuallly I look away and I'm fine. But I was thinking about Heroin the whole time and I asked myself: "can you do it? can you look over and see the needle in your arm?" I found out I can. And with that out of the way that's a big hit to my "drug-free" case. Shit. This isn't good. I don't know. I hope the last two hold strong. If I get a job(which I need to) then the money's out. I'm sure it's not *that* expensive. Then it'll just be the bother of hiding it. I can get over a lot if I'm really driven. Everyday the thought of Heroin grows; and everyday the thoughts against it weaken. Once I'm living on my own will be the real danger. Once I'm out of here. Once I don't have the watchful eyes of my parents in the same house. Then it'll really be close. You'd think the fact that the stuff killed my hero would deter me. You'd think the fact that it basically demolished the greatest band ever would make me hate the stuff. I did, for a while, now that I think about it. But I don't know, every time I get depressed; every time I hear "Would" or "Junkhead" or "God Smack"; I hear it calling. Maybe I should just take the Zoloft. The pill or the needle, the choice is mine. I'm bad with big choices. Quoth the Raven -Nevermore

Care Not For The Men Who Wonder

Straw That Broke Your Back, You're Under

Cast All Them Aside Who Care

Empty Eyes And Dead End Stare

Don't You Know That None Are Blind

To The Lie, And You Think I Don't Find

What You Hide?

What In God's Name Have You Done?

Stick Your Arm For Some Real Fun

For The Horse You've Grown Much Fonder

Than For Me, That I Don't Ponder

As The Hair Of One Who Bit You

Smiling Bite Your Own Self, Too

And I Think That You're Not Blind

To The Ones You Left Behind

I'll Be Here

So Be Yearning All Your Life

Twisting, Turning Like A Knife

Now You Know The Reasons Why

Can't Get High Or You Will Die

Or You'll Die

So Your Sickness Weighs A Ton

And God's Name Is Smack For Some

-God Smack

Alice in Chains

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