"Raven" 2002-09-15 - 9:28 p.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

damnit. I felt good today. for a change. But now I don't. I spent the whole day with my family. Had fun too. I actually enjoyed myself. Then just now I had to unload the dishwasher; my mom was in the kitchen. She said: "I like it when you socialize like that". It was like flipping a switch in my head. I had to physically stop myself from screaming at her. She just can't accept me for who I am. She just can't accept that I'm not who she wants me to be. And that she shouldn't be trying to make me. Of course that turns around on me. I did the same thing to Stephanie. Convinced myself I was right in doing so; even though my mom was wrong. At the time I made the connection, but I did the old Louis Creed and fought down the evidence. I'm sorry Stephanie. Shit. I didn't call her today. I do that alot. I say I'll call her in here. That I'm going to "pull my head out of my ass" but then what happens? I don't. Then a few days later I'm doing the same damn thing. Fucking hell. I want to be in a grunge band. Let's see, there's only about three people in town that I could do that with; and it fits perfectly. I can play bass and sing, Stephanie can play guitar, and Evan can play drums. It fits perfectly because we're such good friends too. Oh... wait... Stephanie doesn't play guitar. And oh, yeah... Evan doesn't want to be in a band. And hey... now that I think about it... we're not really all that close anymore either. Ha ha, look mommy; I'm mocking myself. I had such fun today. Now it's all gone. And now just bitterness remains. sextypething.diaryland.com is a good diary. I'd add it to my favorites, but I don't think I'm going to read it again. It's just another depressed person. Too much like me. Too much like Stephanie. Too much like you. I'd give anything; the closest to anything I'd ever give; to have just one night. Just one night where I sat at the bottom of the slide, and Stephanie sat at the top, and Evan sat in the swing, and I flicked my lighter on and off; and we all just sat there in the dark together. The last three grunge kids. All depressed. So picturesque. Quoth the Raven -Nevermore

�

�