"In the Garage" 2002-09-04 - 5:13 p.m.

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I stayed home from school today.

My alarm didn't go off.

I did some serious thinking about school. That led to serious thinking about dropping out; trying to get my band to do the same thing. I doubt I will; I don't have the balls. But right now it seems like a good idea. Better than sitting in school wasting my time until I graduate anyway. It seems like I'm not fated to go to school this year. My mom seems to want to blame my poor attendance rate on my sleeping habits; but I know that's not why. The reasons I stay home are reasons I would stay home if I got a full 8 hours every night. They just seem to be happening much more than any other year of my school "career". It's like someone's telling me not to go. But it sure as hell aint my family. If I did decide to drop out I know I'd have to sever all ties; they'd never allow me to get away with that. I'd tell them; I wouldn't just run away. But it would result in a fight and my ending up living on my own. I keep thinking of Greenday; how they dropped out of high school. I know that with the lineup of: me, Robyn, Trevor, and Evan; the band will be famous. We're all amazing musicians; and combining each of our varied musical tastes I'm sure we'll come out with a unique sound. And our talents combined with our sound will make us famous. I know that. There's no doubt in my mind. Even if we stay "underground" our whole careers; the Misfits have been "underground" their whole career; but they're one of the most famous punk bands in the world; even if MTV wouldn't know who the hell you were talking about if you mentioned them. I know we can make it; we just need the time; and the main thing stopping us is school. But I can't speak for the rest of the band. Hell, I don't even know if Evan wants to join or not. All I know is that for me; school is just a problem. It's not helping me at all. But I'll stick with it. Because that's the path I'm on; and I don't have the balls to change that; even if it's better for me. Every day that passes is a day when the band is not getting developed; every day the band is not getting developed is more weight on the argument for my just leaving when college time rolls around. And if I leave for college then the band is over. Even if I can get a band together in the next place I live; I doubt it would be such a varied and talented line up as I (might)have now. The only variable is Evan. If he wants to join then everything's perfect. If not; then we're stuck with Drummy; and Drummy won't work, I can already tell. And I don't know if we can find another one. The only flaws with the band are the drummer situation; and my stubborn desire to sing. If I can sing than that's no problem; but if I can't than that's holding the band back. I was confident in my ability but at last practice that was all gone. For some reason I lost what ability I had; I just hope I can get it back. And then there's Robyn. As soon as Robyn gets confidence then she'll be able to live up to her full potential. As it is she's talented; but she's got so much more in her that she's too shy to let out. If I could just find a way to give her the confidence she needs she'll be one of the best musicians in town. Robyn: You're an amazing musician; you sing beautifully; you write astounding riffs with ease; you play guitar wonderfully; relax and let it flow. Shit. This entry wound up being about something when all I wanted to do was bitch about school. Interesting.