"Holiday in Cambodia" 2002-09-04 - 1:27 a.m.

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Shit.

I want to write a song. I've been itching to write one for days.

The only problem is inspiration.

Sure, I've got more than enough locked away; but that's all painful stuff. I want to write a song that's not all depressed.

I'm thinking of writing one about insomnia, I've got a few lines I want to use; but I'm just horribly lazy.

I don't just need inspiration; I need motivation.

I need to go rent another game. Silent Hill 1 maybe. I can't stand this boredom. It's like prison.

My aunt is sleeping on the couch in the living room; so I can't even go make myself a snack.

I should've talked to my friends during lunch today instead of just chilling in the library.

I needed to talk to Evan about a few things.

I rented(?) Insomnia by Stephen King from the library. I saw the title a while back when I went book shopping; figured it was the next logical choice for me after Pet Semetary.

It's 600+ pages and I'm already just over 100.

I'm probably not even done reading for tonite.

My mom got me a book from the "real" library; called: "Sleep Well, Sleep Deep" to help with my sleeping habits. I think it's wildly appropriate that I've chosen to read insomnia instead.

Her book is sitting on top of my tv; and will continue to sit there until she has to take it back.

I've noticed that when I'm happy my entries sound like "Coffeegrrl", and when I'm depressed or whatever they sound like "Jeanisdead".

Both my personalities sound like girls...

'Jeanisdead' probably has no idea how happy her note made me.

I miss Robyn.

I wonder who read that entry I told everyone not to.

I wonder who amongst those approves of it.

I'm tired; without taking a pill; but I know I won't be able to sleep if I try.

Holy Christ I'm bored.

Today in German one of the videos we watched mentioned the 'Holy Roman Emperor'. It reminded me of that one scene in Dogma. I turned to Jinx and said: "How do you make a Holy Roman Emperor?"

I laugh really hard at stuff in school because I'm really tired.

Tomorrow is going to suck; just like every day of my life.

I need a job.

I need a car.

I need a girlfriend.

I need to be able to practice with my band every day.

I don't need this school bullshit. I'm not taking a goddamned thing I'm going to use once it's over.

And of the classes I am taking; I'm not learning anything.

I already know I'm going to fail German.

I need a life.

I need to get a letter from Jessica telling me to come to a city; and when I get there it'll be foggy and disturing.

Or better yet have Robyn run away and then she can send me the letter; and I can go through all that for her.

Except hopefully I won't end up having killed her.

I want to have as much fun as I used to have.

I want to sleep, for a long time. Not the crappy 3 and a half hours I get now; that don't feel restful at all.

I don't know, I suppose I get more because I sleep when I get home from school; but I wish school wasn't in the middle of my sleeping-time.

I wish high school was over so I could be nocturnal and pretend that made me cool.

I'm in the middle.

I want to be at the end.

I'm in Soul Reaver 2; the uncomfortable tough part that doesn't have a good beginning or end that it's necessary to get through.

I can't wait until it's time for the good part.

I hope I don't get old.

I wish I had something else to do so I didn't have to depend on my diary as my sole source of entertainment.

Stupid having beaten every video game I own enough times that they're not even fun to play anymore.

Stupid Insomnia taking forever to get to the interesting parts.

Stupid TV sucking.

Stupid having enough time that it seems like a long time before I go to sleep but not enough time that I can watch a movie.

I hate this.

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