"Way Down the Line" 2002-08-26 - 11:54 p.m.

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I'm so angry right now. Have been since last night. It's funny how one comment that was more about me than anyone else can affect people so much. I want to scream right now. Scream at someone in particular. I want to rant in here and scream "fuck you" to that person, but whatever I say now I'm not taking back, and I don't want to do anything permanent while I'm angry. But I'm just reminded so much of my dad. When he's angry it's like he's a whole different person, he screams at everyone, hits things, or people; breaks stuff, and makes my whole family scared of him. But when he's calm he's so loving and... I don't know, that's the best way I can put it. He's just such a gentle, loving man when he's calm, but when he's angry he's like someone else. And I'm exactly like that. I never liked that my dad was like that, he didn't just get angry, he became, or rather becomes someone else, and now I do the same thing. I'm becoming what I hate. I love my dad, but I'm picking up the one trait of his I don't like. I don't want my kids to tell my wife: "don't tell dad, please!" when they get a bad grade on their report card. I don't want them to cower in their rooms whenever I've had a bad day at work. I don't want to break everything that's not working right. But it's happening. Already I become someone different when I get angry. Like the Hulk, but not green or crime fighting. And as much as I hate it, I can't control it. I can't make myself get 'just a little angry', or try and spread it out more. When I'm calm I try to be so nice to everyone, and never get angry or blame anyone, and then when I can't take it, it just explodes out and I hate everyone. I just hope I'm as nice as I'm trying to be when I'm calm, maybe that would make up for it. Oh well, I still want to scream at that person though. And I'll give you a hint, it's not Robyn.

"And all the things you learn when you're a kid

You'll fuck up just like your parents did

It all just happens again

Way down the line"

-Way down the line

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