"Unforgiven II" 2002-08-18 - 5:34 p.m.

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I've been thinking. About the good old days. For those few wonderful months when everything was great. When me and Evan and Steph were this inseperable little group, that was always together and had plans to move into the same apartment after high school. How perfect that had been. How often I had wished Stephanie had stuck with guitar so we could've been a band as well(this was before the Mole People). But even without that we were still so perfect together. And then one little diary entry and it's all gone. The three of us were so close, then with just a few paragraphs of type on a computer screen it's over. Then me and Steph started to drift apart after that. I guess in theory we're still close, but I haven't seen her in a week. And now that I don't use IM, don't have any classes with her, and leave at lunch; I'll only see her on the weekends. And this weekend we didn't hang out at all. I've gotten so used to change, so much so that I consider it the one constant in my life, but the one thing I wanted to stay whole crumbled faster than anything else I've ever had. I just think back to the days when Evan and Steph were sitting on her bed and I sat on that chair in her room, and we just used to hang out; and now it's all gone, that sucks. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for Robyn, and I'm thankful for the occasions I do hang out with Stephanie; but things had been so... perfect back then. And now it's all gone. All gone. I just have to wonder why. Why Evan thought that what he did was the best course of action? What was going on in his life that made him do that? Did he really dislike us enough to just throw everything away like that? I always think of that last night we had together, the night before that entry; where we watched Dirty Work and laughed together and had such fun. Then the next day it was the exact opposite. And things have never healed. Sure, a lot of the time I think of other things, but whenever I look back on it, it still hurts as bad as the day I read that. I'm just not angry anymore. Well... most of the time I'm not.