"Undertow" 2002-08-07 - 6:57 p.m.

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I don't really know what to say. I just want to say that no matter what, I'll always care about Stephanie, even if I don't feel as strongly for her as I used to. I'm just having my own problems right now. And on a side note, I find it amusing that when she was having problems, I tried my best to be there for her(despite the fact that I didn't know how), even when it seemed like she didn't care; but when I'm having problems she locks me out of her diary. I guess I don't blame her. I can never blame her. But I know lately I've been kind of wierd(a gross understatement, I know), but as I said: I'm having my own problems. And so she knows: the main problem I had with reading everyone's diarys, is that it's like a montage of pain, just a string of examples that happiness is impossible to obtain. But so everyone knows: yes, I've been depressed all week. But not 'random switch, because the voice in my head tells me to' depression, this is 'I've got lots of problems in my life and I can't fix any of them' depression. And guess what? Nobody's there for me. Nobody's here to let me cry on their leg, nobody wants to provide a shoulder to cry on. And that's why I'm tired of trying to be that for others when I have my own problems. Look ma, another entry that's turned into the exact opposite of what I wanted to say. I guess I wanted to say all of it, I just don't like putting the negative stuff last, it makes everyone forget the positive stuff that's at the top.

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