"I Do Not Want This" 2002-08-02 - 4:17 a.m.

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this is new. For once I don't feel like sharing my feelings. I always enjoy writing in this thing, and it's very therapeutic for me to get my feelings out. Plus I've always had some weird desire to be like, in a tv show, like The Truman Show before that movie came out. It's always been a little vice of mine to imagine that there's a studio audience out there watching me, reacting to my feelings and thoughts, talking about me with their friends at school or work the next day. I don't know why, it's just always comforted me to pretend that, and this diary has made it mildly real. But for once in my life, I don't want that audience. I don't know why, but right now I don't want this. I'm sick of typing up my feelings to this cold machine. I'd like to share my feelings to a real person. But at the same time, I'm not sure I even want that. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, not to you, not to any of the other people that read this. Make no mistake, I'm not sad or depressed, but I do not want this.

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