"Die, Allright!" 2002-07-31 - 11:53 p.m.

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Man, today was a serious upswing for me. I am astounded as to how much better it was than yesterday, and yesterday was a good day. Today started allright, went to school and finished registering, which made me happy(the finished part). Then I hung out with Robyn, which was cool. The only downpoint was when I saw Trevor at school and found at Evan hadn't called him, so Trevor just found out Evan quit today, which bothers me because I specifically told Evan to call him. I wouldn't mind calling him myself if I knew what the hell to tell him. Anyway, that lead to me making a comment about it to Robyn before I realized that "oh yeah, I did the same thing to her, oops!" She seemed angry for a little bit but said she wasn't. Either way I felt like an asshole for the rest of the day. Moving on I'm starting to get good at playing with a pick on bass. I can already play slap and with my fingers(I usually play with my fingers) but I'd like to be able to play with a pick, it's just easier on cold days. I'm still not half as good as I am the other ways, but I'm making progress. Anyway, then later I checked my e-mail and got an e-mail from Steph, I didn't know what to expect but couldn't help thinking the worst. But in actuality it was probably the best it could've been. I was quite shocked and happy. And between her behavior yesterday, her diary entries, and that e-mail(which is greatly appreciated Steph), things are looking up. I'm surprised in a most pleasant way. Anyway, today I also remembered something mildly important. This might sound like I'm lying to make myself seem like less of an asshole, but it's the truth. See, after the show I was planning on firing Robyn, but couldn't bring myself to, so I tried to get Evan to help me, but he went to Washington for a week. While he was gone I changed my mind a little, and couldn't decide whether to fire her or keep her on as rythm guitar, so I decided to wait untill Evan got back and let him decide. He couldn't either, so we started to set things up with Trevor, and figured we'd decide once things got going, but that never happened because Evan quit. And so I didn't call Robyn because I couldn't figure out what to say to her. That's as far as the band thing goes anyway, there was those stupid personal things I discussed a few entries back, and I have no excuse for those. But yeah, tomorrow my family gets payed, and we'll be able to afford gas again, so I'll be able to do stuff. Tomorrow I plan on being a lazy bastard to make up for having to wake up early these past two days, and the day after that I'm going to get the new Jerry Cantrell CD, but Saturday I'm going to call people. And if people call me in the time between I won't complain. I just don't have anything planned. But yeah, now that I've reported my current status, I've been thinking about getting some type of band together. See, I've got Trevor signed on for sure, he's just as eager as I am, and he says he knows a drummer, but he's(the drummer) already in a band. But I've heard of musicians playing in mulitiple bands before, so there's a chance, and at the moment I'm feeling optimistic. Plus the door is always open for Evan. I'm not expecting him to come back, but I wouldn't complain if he did. I still can't figure out exactly why he quit, and I don't want to force it out of him, but it seems to me he was fine when we were actually playing, he didn't start to have problems until we were just talking about it, when we weren't really practicing; so I think he'd be fine once we got going again, but that's just my opinion. It's his decision and I'm not going to force him to do anything. So yeah. And I would also like to take this opportunity to extend an invitation to Robyn. It's up to her, and if she wants to stick to trying to start her own band that's fine, but the door is open for her too. She's a really good guitarist and is amazing at writing riffs, she just needs some confidence. I doubt we'll be playing much emo, I doubt we'll be playing many covers at all, I'd rather dive right in to writing our own stuff, but I want the band to be a democracy, so whoever joins gets a fair say in how we do things. But speaking for myself, I don't plan on this being any "type" of band, I want to make up our own style. Just play and see what comes out, invent a whole new sound. So yeah, I apologize for the length of this essay, but that's what's on my mind at the moment.

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