"Hate to Say I Told You So" 2002-07-29 - 11:03 p.m.

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Evan's all depressed now. Says he's 'fucked things up again' and if anyone cares they can "go fucking cry about it". I'd like to quote the Hives right now, but I didn't tell him so, so I can't. But yeah, there's a nagging voice in my head telling me to be concerned. But I'm not, and I'm not going to be. He made a conscious decision to cut me out of his life, and if he wants to tell me to "fucking cry about it" for thinking of showing concern about him despite that, then he can take his fucking pain and choke on it. But on a ligher subject, I was watching wrestling tonight, and was horrified to see Mae Old and 'The Fabulous' Moolah returning to the ring. Fortunately I got to see them get the hell beat out of them by two big samoan-looking guys. Mae looked really hurt, and all I could do was applaud. And if any of you has compassion for old women than I should say that they knew the risks when they agreed to get their asses kicked, and they're not entertaining at all. But yeah, I was also kind of thinking I wish real life was like wrestling. Instead of Evan writing in his diary about quitting the band and all that shit, me, him, and Steph would've been in the ring celebrating after beating up somebody, then when I had my back turned he would've hit his finishing move on Steph, and when I turned around he would've hit me with a steel chair. It would still have hurt but it would've been cool. But I don't see my arguments with Stephanie as being all betraying and hitting with chairs, I don't know, they were a bit too civil, and plus there's the fact that we haven't turned on eachother, and I'm assuming are going to hang out again once my family can afford gas. But it still could've been made into good dramatic scenarios that wouldn't have been as mind-numbingly horrible as the real thing. Then we could've teamed up again and beaten the hell out of Evan, instead of letting him hurt himself. But to give some depth back to this entry, I've had something to say that I've been waiting all day for. It's about Stephanie, I've been meaning to explain the whole 'love thing'. See, when I told her I loved her, it wasn't so that she'd love me back, I was never (ee-ee-eeeeeeeeever)looking for her to fall in love with me or go straight. I told her, because I figured she'd want to know something like that. As I said, I don't throw the word 'love' around lightly, and I'd rather have told it to her rather than her figure it out later and get the wrong idea. And as for my wanting her to say she cares a bit more, I don't want her to hold me, or tell me she loves me; it's just that before it seemed like she didn't care at all. Like I was just some guy following her around. And I don't know what I mean by telling her to 'be more vocal about her caring', but I'd just like to know that I'm more than some guy following her around to her. And I realize she has issues about stuff like that, but so do I. So yeah, that's what's on my mind at the moment. But I can almost guarantee I'll have another entry tonight.

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