"Won't Get Fooled Again" 2002-07-22 - 2:45 a.m.

older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj

***Disclaimer***** A version of this entry may have already been posted, I don't know because my computer/diaryland is acting strange. ********************* I just read Robyn's diary. Then I wrote a long entry about her that got deleted because my stupid ass computer froze. It was quite long, if you notice the time this was posted above, I started that one at about two o'clock. Now keep in mind there's about five minutes of restarting my computer and such, but yeah. So I will attempt to rewrite the last entry in a much more efficient manner. Fuck. I'm much too lazy for this. And I still have to write that Stephanie entry later, fuck. Ah well, here goes: I just read Robyn's diary. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. About how I wish things would've ended better between us. About how I wish things hadn't ended between us. About how if Evan wanted to be in a band, I might call Robyn instead of Trevor. About how I might offer my bass talents up for her new band if she wants me. About how we probably should've dated. I mean come on, she's nice, smart, funny, a musician, we got along great, had a lot in common, she's cute, and she's, well, big(yes, I like larger women, so what?), and I think she had a crush on me. I couldn't've asked for more. But see, over the course of my recent arguments with Stephanie, she said I was running from the part of her that reminded me of myself. While that's not quite true for Stephanie it's dead on for Robyn. See, she reminded me a lot of myself a few years ago, and at the time I despised myself, and so my hatred of myself started to leak onto her. And I feel like an asshole for letting that happen. But either way I started to avoid her, and we just stopped talking. And I wish things hadn't gone down that way. Just one more huge mistake I made. Putting it that way doesn't really do it justice, but there's so much I did that was so wrong. To myself, to others, to everything. But that's why I changed. I don't want to make those kind of stupid mistakes anymore, if I have to make mistakes I want them to be honest mistakes, not stupid stuff like letting MY hangups hurt those I care about. So I don't know, I'd like to start hanging out with Robyn again, maybe even start dating her, but I don't know if I can. But fuck it, who knows what the future holds? I could end up marrying Robyn, I could end up hating her, I could end up dying in my sleep tonight. So I'll just have to wait and see what develops. P.S. - The original version of this entry was much better.

�

�