"Ain't no right" 2002-07-08 - 9:12 p.m.

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After some thinking, I've come to a conclusion: Depression is a disease. There are lots of people that have similar problems to mine, and they live happy lives, so the only thing stopping me is a stupid brain condition. The only thing I take medication for is my stomach, so I'll do what I do for everything else, beat it myself. Sitting and wallowing in my problems won't solve them. So yeah, I'm sorry I had to hurt Stephanie, the last two entries will attest to that in spades. But it had to be done. And I know she won't listen, but she is not to blame. I am. I'm the one who can't handle things, so I'm 'stepping back' and all to avoid hurting her any more. I knew I'd hurt her when I decided to do this, and so as sorry as I am, I still have to live with it. I know that, like I said, if I stayed that close to her, we would repeat that conversation we had on IM in person, and then things would be far worse than they are now. By the way, for those of you who aren't Stephanie; the conversation we had on IM involved her talking about her depression, me offering her suggestions to help, she refusing them, her refusing to accept the possibility she can be anything but depressed, and my storming off. So Stephanie, you should know, despite how much this hurts, I'm doing this to spare you more pain, believe it or not. And believe it or not, I still love you, and I still want to be your friend. So I am sorry, reading the last two entries will give you an idea of how sorry I am, but I can't help it. I wish things didn't have to be this way, but hey, what are you gonna do?

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