"Almost Honest" 2002-07-06 - 4:20 a.m.

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well, another night I can't sleep. Tonight the topic of my insomnia is Evan. I sent him an e-mail today, or yesterday rather, explaining to him my feelings. It was pretty much just asking him to rejoin the band, but I don't think I could put into words how much I really enjoyed being his band-mate. I can't sleep I'm so worried he won't come back. I'm to the point of begging now. I really loved playing with him, and I will probably never be able to describe it properly. From his musical tastes to his knowledge of music to his talent. Plus he was just fun to be hanging around with. There's no one on earth I'd rather have behind the drums in my band than him. I don't even really want to think about if he still doesn't want to rejoin. I'm torn between wanting to honor his wishes and just letting him go if he wants to, and just outright pleading with him. No matter how many times I say it it's still true: even if there were hundreds of other drummers out there rushing to join, I'd still want him. Shit. In the end I guess it's really up to him, and out of my hands, but I pray he comes back. Doesn't mean I'll sleep any easier. Shit. Why did any of this have to happen? *sigh*, the only reason I'm not begging right now is I know Evan won't read this. Shit, I'd rather it was just him and me, like the White Stripes, than me and other people without him. I wish he'd read this, I wish he'd understand how much he means to me, I hope that whatever reasons he had for quitting can be reconciled. I've heard Ozzy Ozbourne considered the original guitarist of his solo career(I forget his name) his "musical soulmate" (the only reason they're still not making music together is the guitarist died in a plane crash), and as cheesy and possibly creepy as it sounds, I consider Evan mine. I doubt he feels the same way, or he wouldn't have quit in the first place, regardless of wether he comes back or not. But it doesn't change how I feel. Shit, I'd give almost anything to have Evan come back. I know this entry is just the same thing over and over, which you've already heard before, but it is my diary, and this is what I'm thinking. Fuck, I know he won't read this but, please come back Evan.

P.S. - The title of this entry doesn't refer to the entry itself, but rather how I was "almost honest" about never mentioning Evan again, and hating him and all that.

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