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"For you" 2002-06-23 - 9:04 p.m. older - previous - next - profile - host - my band - my lj look out boys and girls, it's another depressed entry! This time I'm not depressed for myself, yet. I'm depressed for Stephanie. I know what I want to say won't make her very happy, but, fuck, what the hell else am I gonna do? I have to say this to somebody, and writing it in here is just like writing it to her, 'cause you're the only one who reads this Steph, but I have to get this out somewhere. Fuck, where to start. I'm not gonna comment about Evan, there's nothing to say. But it's just, Steph, you have so many people telling you such good things about yourself, and you have so many good qualities, but you just ignore them, you don't listen to the people who compliment you; you just look through everything they say for anything that could be considered negative and feed off that. And I was exactly like that, I still am a lot of the time, but it pains me so bad to see you doing it, and I know you wont change, you won't listen to this, you'll go on doing the same thing, and I'm just wasting fucking space in my diary. If anything you'll just get mad at me. Shit, you say you don't have a plan, you don't want a plan, but you do, you have an exact plan. It runs like this: your friends leave you, you end up poor and miserable and alone. Am I right? Goddamnit Stephanie, hasn't it ever occured to you that all the people telling you how great you are could be right? Isn't there anyone telling you that stuff who's opinion matters to you? Fuck, I know that all this is gonna do is get you mad at me if anything, and you have to work this stuff out on your own, but I can't sit here and do nothing while someone I love so deeply suffers, even if it is the right thing to do. It's just not who I am. I mean, come on Steph, you've got me, Evan, Catherine, Cody, Ginny, your shrink, and other people I don't even know that know how great you are, but you just can't accept it can you? Doesn't any of us mean anything to you? Doesn't one or all of our opinions together mean enought to you to make you realize what we're saying is true? *sigh* there's nothing more to say, I'm sorry Stephanie, I really am � � |